“I should feel guilty”

Now I know why I used to say that, and what it hid.

Rue.

April 29, 2015 at 5:16 pm Leave a comment

signs

signs

there were, quite certainly, signs that he was here:
although as certainly
we never glimpsed the promised heavenly lights and
ranks
of ethereal beings…

the story, though perhaps
not quite convincing,
was assuredly dramatic
enough,
with its angelic voices
and descended doves.

the presence, though long expected, never quite
appeared: the pleas
were to an ear if not unhearing, unanswering, the
soul’s
dark nights still unlit.

there is only a rubbish
heap there:  and
the unpleasant reminders
and
memories of the people slaughtered here.

names are only names,
no matter how spoken.
that Word he was remains
unknown:  and though
perhaps uttered, surely unheard.

_________________________________________________________

Yes, perhaps, for a long while I tried to represent a loss of faith as that. Mind you, that presumes there was a loss of faith, or knowledge, starting first with determinism or absolute predestination; the terms are either irrelevant or quintessential.

February 24, 2017 at 10:33 pm Leave a comment

mnemon

mnemon*

this wilted rose
recalls you; its petals crumble at the slightest
touch.

______________________________________________________________

*”The  (‘hypothetical’) smallest unit of memory”, see mnemonic, which is still in fairly common usage.

 

I had to start on the tiny ones.  Soon, MachMag, soon.

February 23, 2017 at 5:38 pm Leave a comment

I Made It

Through the brain scan.  I’ll be posting again shortly.

Samwise Davies/GCC

February 22, 2017 at 10:57 pm Leave a comment

Why Trump Needs an Enemy

https://tinyurl.com/Why-Trump-needs-an-enemy

I love the dispassionate method of this reporter, incidentally.  I’m just hoping that he (Trump) doesn’t realize a war is the answer*.  The question then is how rationally it’s proposed, how rational it is, and how prepared the military is to obey without question, even to the point of national suicide.  Several countries have stepped up military readiness against the US (even Putin!) since his advent and increasingly…puzzling…behavior.

It (Trump’s behavior) is irrational enough that it will erode any rational system.  I have confidence enough in his ability that I think he can do so beyond repair, in the manner of a hostile takeover.  There are in fact considerable similarities to Nero; he is unmistakably narcissistic; he has shown a great desire to make his mark in history, and I believe he’s said so on more than one occasion although I fail to recall one single quote exactly to that effect.  I don’t think a war would satiate such a desire, because it wouldn’t be a big enough mark.  Also, he’s a rich man and quite certainly does not wish to put himself to any inconvenience or discomfort, let alone risk, injury or death.  There may be some concern for his family but there has been none shown that I know of other than verbal, starting with having his wife follow him, generally.  He has more connection, evidently, with his children, though, which may be a mark in his favor.

 

*Please consult The Art of War and The Prince for why war is the commonest solution for finding an easy enemy.  Then contemplate Afghanistan.  Then go back and meditate upon the Vietnam war, particularly its beginnings in the 1960s.  You can ask if you fail to find the answer.  Meditate most especially upon Ho Chi Minh, where he was educated, and where he came first to ask for help!  After that you can cursorily breeze through a succession of wars up until the present age.  I’ll even tell you for free that the seeds of involvement in the Middle East were laid in the waning days of the Vietnam war and planted during its aftermath; by the end of the Evacuation there were even many sprouts.  It was simply jolly.  I wonder how many times they’ve regretted having forced me into my job during that war.

February 18, 2017 at 9:06 pm Leave a comment

sayings 7

sayings (7) (seeings 1)
i thought to scry the sky once
from this fog-filled valley

i do not know what i truly saw
within the folded sky, as though
Night herself gave me a glance
at her nude beauty

but
it was merely thicker cloud,
momentarily obstructing more
of the dim light.

i had to peer beyond the shadows then
and so i did, though
i fell quite often from those
slick land’s-wound walls.

perhaps the knife that made that cut
led me to the top, above the fog
though naturally i found

my vision was still bound.
for a moment i thought
of climbing those mountains

i’d discovered, but after
that daunting, terrifying look
i could climb no further.
i returned.

odd, though, it’s as if
those who knew me for years
no longer do.

they come to me, the wise stranger
from outside, to receive
my blessings and wisdom.

how can i tell them
of my knowledge, of our shared imprisonment
and not shatter all hope?

i climbed from this valley once.
though my vision was cleared, rather than
continuing, i returned

and sought my accustomed
my comfortable, i
put on my bonds again.

_____________________________________________

There were a number of notes I had to make, and I forewent (I know, the word is no longer in common usage) them; thus, they aren’t presented.  About the preceding poem; that isn’t an attempt to imitate something.  It’s not a statement about current time.  I am apolitical although I can no longer claim to be agnostic.

February 13, 2017 at 4:47 pm Leave a comment

sayings 6

Sayings (6) (of selective blindness)

should one seek actions
before words
or think that words define knowledge*
there is grave error.  much blame.

vision is obstructed, most
of all from the sides@. the path
wanders. liars shout of truth#
and attempt to lead.

escape comes only from
the fall of towers^. if their cities fall
all must die who know only
of life within them.

if one pauses,
seeking silence, wisdom
and firm correctness
there may be no blame.
_______________________________________________
* knowledge that binds, binds only seeing not being.
@the obstructed vision is foiled by assumptions and defeats peripheral visions; the path made by the half-blind wanders.
#and they always shall
^”freedom” comes from escaping the cities but many cannot and survive.

February 13, 2017 at 3:03 pm Leave a comment

An Example

And a most beautiful one.

https://www.fastcompany.com/3068030/the-science-of-work/heres-your-brains-new-user-manual-for-uncertain-times

To my so-called mind this is a perfect example of what I’m talking about, which is the chains of definitions and responses I term protocols.  I do so not least because the military uses them in precisely such fashion and I have seen indications that others do.  However, there is no explanation behind the usage, which is intrinsically fascinating.

If you’d like me to explain let me know.  Otherwise I intend to spend this day Saturday mainly in basically blissful rest.  A lot of this…view of a Different View is mere transcription from notes.

 

There has been no EEG as yet.  Tri-West/Veteran’s Choice/whatever you might call it first informed me they had no idea what I might be talking about with funding for an “outside” scan and lab work.  That entity is what allows some veterans to have medical work done through “providers” (the current term for practitioners of arts of medicine and associated with it, with the association formal and the process of associating absolutely opaque to the veteran and to many accepted outside practitioners and probably to VA providers–one must be an accepted provider*) with “outside” meaning not employed directly by the Veterans Administration.  The consistent lack of the apostrophe when I write is because that’s the name.

That night, the letter arrived telling me I had funding for the work that I’d called off because there was no funding and it could be done (apparently) at the local VA facility.

 

I have one poem–a ‘sayings’ (“poem”, I should say, because in fact the sayings are something else, which I can’t name)–which I’ll transcribe and post in a bit. Other than that silence comes closest I think to transcribing peace.  I am for once close to that.  Selah.

February 11, 2017 at 6:52 pm Leave a comment

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