“I should feel guilty”

Now I know why I used to say that, and what it hid.


April 29, 2015 at 5:16 pm Leave a comment

Top Ten Reviews

Don’t trust this site.  Ever.  This site is paid to do its reviews and cheerfully recommends malware, from my personal experience.


Note that I did not actually say that nothing it says is true.  What I said, and will now explain is; “Nothing that a reviewer from this site says can be trusted.”  I will also say that if I found a product recommended here I would go immediately to other sites and check it.


On the same line, incidentally, PC Magazine is a great place for reviews.  Its top reviewer was once an acquaintance of mine.  However, should you download from here, you will employ their downloader which will also attempt to gift you with adware.  The last time I did so–over 10 years ago–even I could not manage to exit installation without adware.  I had to exit the installation–hunt down the adware already installed–search for what was advertised–and ended up going to the company site for the download.  Filehippo, Softonic and a number of others safe in the mid-90s are dangerous now.  My best suggestion is that before you download anything you attempt to get reviews of the site (not the software) in question and that even then you scan the download.  [Google something like ‘how can i scan my downloads’; omission of the question mark wasn’t accidental, usage of it is worthless.]

June 22, 2017 at 1:07 pm Leave a comment

Back from the twilight

This is only a short entry.  I have hesitated recently because I wasn’t perfectly sure I could continue to pay for the site; however, the deppening (that’s Johnny Depp getting deeper…or else a wry tribute to the misspelling that is a part of initial writing) emotive involvement of the country in Mr. Trump (and with both sides backward-looking to Obama and Clinton as entirely contributory to…either the good shape or the bad shape we’re in; no one at all seems able to widen their vision of “cause” [which is why the hypothesis of cause and effect is an hypothesis, not even a theory] and his supporters and non-supporters to enemies outright…  Began the silence.  I felt as of mid-December that Trump would win. I wrote a relatively long piece.  I couldn’t post it.  I’m sure I threw it away.


Later today or else tomorrow I will post something from Voices and continue on.  Another contributing factor was that…of 3 Windows (Dell) machines…3 went down.  The XPS 2720 was a hard drive (C:) and will merit an article.  The Dell Optiplex 3020 was a momentary victim of beta-testing.  The Alienware is still down but at least I’ve finally gotten it to recognize it’s on a network.  Word to the wise; make sure that you do a system image before doing internet optimization.  And (yes, I did it deliberately) if you have two optimization programs, and you feel you have to optimize your internet connections–do it only with one of them and remember which one it is.  However, with both Dell and HP (Alienware is Dell) I suggest using the computer apps themselves to optimize internet connections and leave it at that rather than having virtual adapters (having an unplugged virtual ethernet connect adapter is truly WEIRD).


Anyway, I am here.  I also underwent a complete withdrawal from Carbamazepine/Tegretol XR which was bound to have mental/psychological complications and did, but I had no seizures in consequence and thank God I have one less drug to take.


In brief, HI!

Samwise Davies/oregonnerd/variously known

June 20, 2017 at 12:22 pm Leave a comment

Because of TheDonald, I long for reality


on longing for reality and other foolhardy things

separated, the changes
refract and reflect the light
promising clear sight
and other most assuredly

imaginary things
(i’ve even heard “truth”

I have never before used my art explicitly on current events.  Because there are too many exact replications of the rise of the Nazi party into dominance, I refrain no longer.  I will do as well as I can to avoid polemic.  My pursuit is of the rational and beautiful (though the subject is often no thing of beauty) and most of all–in poetry–of concision in pursuing my goal, which is…I have to admit it, I still pursue it–truth.

May 15, 2017 at 10:17 pm Leave a comment

Long Absence

A car accident started the lapse, then the brain scan (EEG to be precise, not MRI) in order to be weaned off a rather nasty drug (anti-convulsive, not a painkiller–rather the reverse–basically poisonous) which was initially used as an antidepressant.  That means there are mental and emotional effects; as it turns out I’m less likely to have seizures now, but that’s another story.  There were also some interesting family happenings (“May you live in interesting times,” as in), and some real threats to veterans and those collecting social security.  A portion of my past revealed itself to me yet again; however, detailing it would not be in my favor.  It’s best if I seem normally unconscious of various things.


Anyway, http://www.msn.com/en-us/money/companies/why-aircraft-carriers-are-hard-to-sink/ar-BBAerob

Nothing in the article is untrue, exactly.  What is true is freely available in the public domain.  What isn’t known and therefore isn’t said…is the important part, and the reason I’m pointing this out is…the real ‘purpose’ of the article is the reacquaint those who do know with how far out of touch ‘media people’ are with certain realities and how immensely dangerous it would be to even moderately correct the evident misapprehensions on the part of the author.  One hint; the biggest reasons aren’t even mentioned.  Guess what.  I shan’t be the first to tell one word more, if I ever shall, which I  doubt. Almost undoubtedly Snowden knew about me (not by name) and thought I was heroic, another example of why I know he’s an ass.

April 28, 2017 at 5:34 pm Leave a comment

about avoiding speech

shared silences

i wonder if you think
you’ve robbed me of my words.

you gave me something precious:
knowledge, and my only thanks

can be silent.
i used you as an augury.

i thought to have no choice.
the echo you may await can never come.

i have
you see

achieved, in that tiny matter

it is complete.



The relationship to the mentioned hexagram is via a rather different interpretation, incorporating 24.  This poem is about the writer committing an error by not attempting to act with ‘firm correctness’.  It is also a very dour picture of the future, but then this is merely a story. One hopes.

April 3, 2017 at 12:13 am Leave a comment

Two Studies

imaged reflections

delayed cascades
of shattered moments
eye-blurred                lens-caught
form fractal expressions
of beauty, made
by the shaping of near-molten metal,
are many forms of speech.


the image is of a smith at his (her) trade, hammering almost liquid metal


inflected experience*

the fragments of you i remember
i know are (half? mostly?)
certainly part self-perception

it is
like seeking true reflection
in the scattered bits
of a shattered mirror


frantically seeking that mirror’s repair
symbol of my longlost soul
or your clear remembrance
(no matter the foreknown pain, i

struggle to recapture
that searing moment
that our meeting was

but as i struggle
to collect those fragments
somehow they cut free, and i bleed
once again
remembering you.


These are both ‘studies’ in the sense that they are exercises of a kind–experiments might I suppose might be a better word–in styles and in one mixing of an experimental style I basically abandoned with my ‘normal’ style.  If there is a distinctive difference in much of my poetry and writing and general it probably results from the usage of more than one viewpoint or perspective.

*This in particular is a purely conceptual poem, the image created by a shattered mirror’s reflections (and the attempt to suggest that the apparent distortion may lend a kind of truth that may not be entirely specious). [There is also an echo of
‘sun on bright water
narcissus, shattered
by a pebble’
which was my landmark poem in that it represented a definitive step into my own style without any hint of apology.  Since I deliberately employed Grecian mythology in the poem to the extent that it is meaningless without its knowledge, it was a fairly brazen act.  I lived with and amongst Christian Reformed people–Calvinists, who abhorred idolatry.  But then my book report for the class for baptism was on Ship of Fools…  I couldn’t resist and no one called me on it.  In retrospect I still can’t believe it.  I’ll leave it to the reader to find out which particular book I mean, with the hint that popular literature was just beginning.

March 24, 2017 at 5:17 pm Leave a comment

samwise agonistes

on memory and other fruitless agonies
samwise agonistes

i see your trace
on my soul’s walls
like a baby’s footprint
set in concrete, lasting
and quite meaningless,
a lesson in time itself


just so
as i scrub with all my might
to remove that stain
you remain,
and your shadow fills my sight.

*‟agonistes‟ is “someone in the grip of inner conflict‟ and samwise the so-named self is certainly born of that (courtesy Chambers as portrayed by WordWeb Pro not cross-checked with ancient Lesser Oxford English because I’m old, lazy, arrogant and I did know it was a word though the meaning can be slightly more complex and/or complicated.


More precisely it is about the acquisition and cataloguing of values (or meanings, if there is a difference); thus it is in the realm of social psychology, indeed.

March 18, 2017 at 12:46 am Leave a comment

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