“I should feel guilty”

Now I know why I used to say that, and what it hid.


April 29, 2015 at 5:16 pm Leave a comment

the mourner

the mourner

here, in the moment
you’d thought to think timeless, time
has never been more present.
your mind has become
indifferent, as your body struggles, lost in the thing
called love.

later you discover
you desire her most when she won’t
be touched, unable to want
that offered. only the
untouched, the unknown and mysterious. and when she
is gone

she is most truly
your loved one, hugged close like
a nearly unbearable burden
of selfhood. your chains
made your meanings, you cannot (ever)
let them go.


It seemed entirely unfair that the high-blown metaphors had nothing at all to do with anything except maybe the author momentarily thought she was getting paid by the word…

August 17, 2017 at 9:36 pm 1 comment

Return, A Poem & A Short Note

The note is this; I had a series of computer failures and either viruses or some more mysterious malady.  At one point I was actually convinced I’d lost ‘voices’ [the name of that volume of poetry actually shouldn’t be capitalized].  I did lose whatever was on my Alienware computer, and I will have to say before I eventually share the story that it was ‘my luck’ yet again.


Anyway, failed restores aside, and dead computers, this poem dates from; summer, 1979, Phoenix, Oregon; there’s a much more specific address but ‘that would be telling’ as old tales have it.  It’s a real place, is the point.



sketches of suspended dawnlight: weathered
almondtrees, still half-bloomed (ground
strewn with tattered pastel tissues): groundsquirrel
frozen, regarding
me intently: birds balleting (and cats studying):

this is the song
that silence teaches.


I haven’t gone back to visit there, yet, at least.  My mother is dead, as is most or all others of ‘my generation’ of ‘the family’; the generation after that basically doesn’t exist.  My grandfather for all his faults is dead, and with him whatever made us a family.

Understand that the faults I mention are utterly unforgivable, to the extent that the family is better off gone.

August 16, 2017 at 9:13 pm Leave a comment

New Firefox

Improved security.  Go to options by clicking the ‘hamburger menu’ [the geeks call it that because it looks something like a hamburger…], click on the question mark/help, click on About.  It’s also quicker but if Mozilla is hyping it for more security it’s time to get it, now.


It is absolutely noticeably faster.  I’m going to look at how many ‘hooks’ are set, now, which I discovered was my problem with Chrome.  It was always running in the background.  No, I only see one exec file with Process Explorer (a useful tool from Microsoft/Sysinternals; not all of the tools in there work on 10 to say the least but this still does, and software gotten from there should be safe [and scanned before installing regardless]; think of Task Manager on steroids and to genius from average.

August 8, 2017 at 12:59 pm Leave a comment

Calls From Unknown Numbers

“Scammer village”–the loosely-knit Internet collection of scammers–is building a phone directory and one that takes notes, just as http://onlinecheckownerofphones.com/prefix-city/231-234-page-77.html does.


It’s beginning to look like we sorely need a (private, not governmental–for one thing there’s a vast probability it would instantly be misused) our own list.


*Bear in mind that when it says (for instance) “Microsoft Corporation” and isn’t, it’s a VOIP call.  However, people really are creatures of habit and probably will use the same fake Caller I.D.  They also are obviously getting some hits on people calling them back (for one thing, this is absolute confirmation of a live number and one that will probably pick up, over half of the battle).


If you don’t know the number, assume it’s a fake.  Unless it says ‘Police’ or whatever; then listen carefully and note everything and check with your local authorities, if you can.  Mind you, if you’re growing pot in the closet in a state that doesn’t allow it, give that one a pass.  I’m sure no one does that, but still…


*Oregon has medical marijuana and legalized marijuana.


And realize that I just slipped in a point at the very beginning.  If you get a call from an unknown number and want to check it out–Google it.  I am specifying the search engine because it’s most used.  I will say I’ve experienced disappointing results when I tried Yahoo! and Bing–and if Copernicus is still out there never ever use it.

August 8, 2017 at 11:58 am Leave a comment

Help! I lost my NOOK PIN!

What do I do now?

  1. Wish you had used a password.  Passwords can be reset at the Barnes & Noble site.
  2. DO NOT CALL BARNES AND NOBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE, unless you need to find out the number to call at Samsung, to whom they will refer you.
  3. Do a factory reset.  Apparently before the Tab 7 you just had to hold down the power and home/”N” key.  On the Tab 7 you have to hold down the volume button as well and when asked to confirm you must manage to move the volume ‘up’ while maintaining your grip on the other buttons.  [HOME+POWER+VOLUME, a screen will come up demanding that you confirm, you have to press the ‘up’ side of the volume key to do so and…this isn’t simple to do, at least for me.]
    1.  Better idea: remember the number.  Then….
    2.  Also this does expose the glaring weakness in never writing down access codes.
  4. Don’t panic, because everything except your notes and suchlike is retained on the site.  You haven’t lost your library.  This does definitely indicate that it is good to transfer data to both the external drive and some other sort of external storage, but then that’s true of any and all data repositories.  Think it’s confined to the electronic modern age? think of the libraries of Alexandria.


I saw a number of entries under a search for this and not one correct answer.  I will add that the B & N representative who was ‘customer service’ apparently spent most of his time ‘listening’.  He apparently had problems with the concept of a PIN (as opposed to a pattern or password), finally came out with ‘PIN number’ [about as reasonable as “Oh, you mean an SSD drive?”–which means, exactly,  a “solid state drive drive”].  Then he asked me again if I couldn’t remember it.  There was a long period where the screen legend indicated he was ‘listening’.  Then came a relatively long series of inane and pointless questions [he wanted to know the serial number and when I found the model number he didn’t know it was that–the serial number was basically microscopic and faded so badly that a magnifying setup basically the same magnification as a loupe could barely manage to make it out].  Eventually–after about half an hour–he decided there was no possible way for any B & n type to help me and I had to call Samsung.  The transaction there was much more smooth except for one tiny little thing…


at the very end it was a complete waste of time.  I remembered that I’d made the PIN much more complex, enough so that it actually was relatively high security, and after that the answer was, of course, completely obvious.


That I was an idiot was proven as well, but I already knew that…  8]-



August 5, 2017 at 4:33 pm Leave a comment

Have You Ever Formatted A Nice Big Flash Drive To…

a horribly tiny one?  Have you then wondered what on Earth you could do, short of driving to the nearest computer service and either admitting your mistake or trying to stammer your way into “Well, Windows made me do it!” [which is somewhat reminiscent of something constantly recurring right now, just can’t manage to think of what (Trump) it might be that it’s reminding me of (Trump)], I wonder (Trump) why my fingers keep typing that… [Enough of “Trump made me do it!!” for today, lol…]


I did.  Or else when Windows was formatting the flash memory drive for a recovery drive (I had my mind turned firmly OFF, using anything too big for a recovery drive is asinine) it did turn most of it into a reserved–therefore unusable–partition.  However, as I recall, there was simply a default and I mindlessly accepted it.


What on Earth, you say, is the solution?  http://rufus.akeo.ie/NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT HTTPS.  Scan the download with the antivirus that I know you have before even dreaming of presuming to install it, as I know you do with every download.  Why, I even know you’re looking at VPN offers right now.


Rufus turned a 128 GB flash drive that had been turned into a 32 GB flash drive by formatting…right back into a 128 GB flash drive.  I was using Windows 10.  It was fast.  I also did the scan first, for damaged sectors.  At that point it showed only one unused partition.  So I aborted the process and tried to use it.  Windows told me it had to be formatted (! the thing I wanted !).  So I formatted it to 128 GB and it worked very smoothly.  [120 GB, actually, is usable; 8 GB overhead for tracking files, folders and dates for storage, modification and the lack.


Tomorrow I’ll turn a 32 GB external hard drive back into 3 TB (as I recall, could just possibly have been 2 TB) and make another entry as to the program I used.  I also need to give notes on recovery of the XPS 2720 Dell that took so bloody much time, the Dell 3020 that got hit by a virus among other things, the Alienware and the network that turned alien on it [to be precise, how I optimized something to see how much damage I could do and it was considerable], the NAS (Network Attached Storage, storage for the entire network through the router) that failed because of the RAID setting and appropriate RAID settings for such things, and at some point setting up the VPN on an ASUS RT-AC68U router (that’s what the RT stands for).  That’s not quite all that happened to me while I was virtually (virtuously? whatever) silent…but it may be all I tell.  Whatever.  It was indeed interesting.



July 31, 2017 at 8:44 pm Leave a comment

A Timely Observation, or Ultimate Proof of Stupidity Through the Voting Booth and Even After

There is an immediate, immortal and inescapable result (or conclusion) about the last presidential election and who won.


First of all, like it or not, half of the nation is complete idiots.  The other half is trying as hard as they can to emulate that ‘first’ half.   I found neither candidate actually credible but I voted for one.


When the politicians are talking about their constituents it seems I’m never one of them.  That’s also true of many other people I know…well, mostly have known.  It seems likely that the politicians in their junior or senior year of college or whatever it is that they attend begins to construct their ‘story’–basically, their own mental imagery of the typical voter (perhaps if he’s exceptionally inventive he might consider the youths growing to be voters) and thus what needs to be done to and for her/him.  Abortion and birth prevention encourage loose living and so do prophylactics for that matter…but unwed mothers should of course receive no help at all from the state…


Yes, I actually did read that somewhere.  The man was very self-righteous.  I was an illegitimate child.  Still am for that matter although records were carefully edited subsequent to my adoption by my mother’s sister.  Not supposed to be here, which was more or less the reaction of my (bio) father’s children.  At best an embarrassment and more likely something both horrible and horribly contagious, a veritable cauldron of seething juices whose merest touch would damn one forever.  Yep, that’s me.


The point here is twofold.  We have adopted various beliefs in lieu of formalized religions.  I have encountered those who are so absolutely enthralled as to interpret each event as apocalypse or salvation.  They derive their own meaning(s) from the misreported shenanigans of “their” politicians; in many respects the political arena is a bit less meaningful than analysis of the “meaning” of a football game.  I doubt many would disagree with me when I say that “It may be true in sports but it certainly isn’t in politics, ‘It ain’t whether you win or lose, son, it’s how you play the game.’  In politics winning is all that matters, even if you have to allow an opponent to stick on a rider for a multi-million dollar bridge that goes from nowhere to nowhere.”  ****Yes, that happened.****  The ‘religion’ that is outlined here then bears a distinct resemblance to that which was devoted to Ba’al.  For that matter in many respects our society could be aptly characterized as Babylon, with the Internet the Tower.  [Surely the nearly exact analogy has occurred to many, not just me.]


Secondly, we have absolutely demonstrated our absolute lack of actual social behavior.  We’re getting to where we can’t stand each other.  The road rage at a particular incident isn’t singular, it’s part of an ongoing, agonizing, repetitive session of our lives that we hate more every day, sort of like a dentist’s appointment that will last for years.  We push and shove in the market.  We cut the other driver off and then flip her off because we have the bigger truck or car or it’s faster or it’s more expensive or…we just must be entitled, right?  And, being ugly  Americans, we put a nice hairy set of  balls on the trailer hitch of our Suburban that damned well better not get muddy since it cost over $50,000! [Yeah, it’s an old one.]  No, I do not have anything of the sort on my trailer hitch, thank you.  Lol.  How many of us could deny that was Trump’s attraction?  He was going to be the bull in the china closet and get things done.


He has that.  It’s Obama’s fault…





July 30, 2017 at 9:27 pm Leave a comment

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