“I should feel guilty”

Now I know why I used to say that, and what it hid.

Rue.

April 29, 2015 at 5:16 pm Leave a comment

years

years

no, i really don’t
feel old. the years
have merely slipped away.
to youth’s eyes, i know, i’m only
an old woman, beyond desire,
weathered like some limb
or dusty brick; youth
is short and years
are hard.

and no, really,
i would not untrace years’
markings from face and body. these
are honorable scars. time
levels; life erects.
(i still stand erect)

these years have merely
been years, their shape
remembered my making,
my name
writ large in every action.
each step goes only
toward darkness
or the light, and all steps must
form a path.

grown old and somewhat
withered, i still
am two, fifteen, and thirty…
a multitude with one
face, one voice, one body.

and let there be no
quiet pity.
years are merely
years.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Written when I was…15.

I had vanishingly little resemblance to my peers in my teenage years.

October 30, 2017 at 2:19 pm Leave a comment

The Final and Absolute TRUTH

The Final and Absolute TRUTH

In the spring of that year
we journeyed to hear
the great one’s song.
Many miles and desolate…
three died, on the way.
(We placed crude crosses
on their graves.
We crossed their arms.
We did not mourn,
nor speak.)

And freeway became
hiway became
road became…
potholes and dirt, horses…
on our way to the mountain,
on the way
to the Enlightened.

II.
The journey
changed us.
That
I must admit.
Faces
become more grim-
set, stride
more unpausing…

In light must
darkness
always die…
night’s masks
aren’t morning’s, nor is truth
the drunkard’s cry.

…We strode on.
Ten thousand passers-by, ten
thousand strangers, faces
glimpsed and then
forgotten.

III.

We left
the cities, their lands,
their people.
Paths
became crooked, perspectives
unclear,
shortened, half
illusion.

(Our feet became
blistered.)
We spoke little.
Words
were for other times
and others’ truths.

IV.

When we arrived
we stood before him
speechless, joined
in his laughter
merely, and then
returned.

We would
educate
our peoples, lead
them to
the sky.

…Excuse my straightjacket.
They
think i’m
insane!

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yet another draft which apparently has gone unpublished for about 4 months or more.  Being a Windows Insider on the Fast Track can make things quite interesting; perhaps I shouldn’t have selected my primary production machine for beta testing, but it’s fast and generally doesn’t affect core programming (as in IO).  This bore the mark of being interrupted by a critical update.  Whatever.  It was intended to laud the coronation of King Trump.

October 23, 2017 at 3:19 pm Leave a comment

self-portrait

self-portrait

Your desk is scattered with fragments
of half-finished poems and ‘novels-in-progress,’
the burnt-out
butts of smoky days, you cough
almost constantly it seems

you have half-a-hundred letters
to a former lover you haven’t seen
in a year or two (you don’t quite remember, honestly,
how long

it’s been: once you could count
the days): scattered books
clutter your soul, your rooms:
but, though you’re occasionally

tempted to self-pity: still
loneliness is far more bearable
than having to bear
company (or so you tell yourself).

Still: at times, in ways,
it would be nice: to tie some knots, finish a poem or
novel or two:
to clear this endless clutter.

_________________________________________________________________________

I wonder why I titled the folder for this (computer folder, inside a folder [etc.] used for organizational purposes)…self-betrayal.

October 23, 2017 at 2:58 pm Leave a comment

rainsong

rainsong

i have stood, i stand
on hillsides, staring
at hills
half-hidden through
the rain, the mist
(the mountains
are hidden today).

some things
still clear, the distant rendered obscure
some reminiscent shadowscape…

i have few words to say. The world
is but a word.

_________________________________________________________________________________

This was written shortly after my (permanent) return from Vietnam to Whidbey Island.

October 22, 2017 at 7:41 pm Leave a comment

image

image

I have so often
reached for your image,
like some child
for a candle’s flame…

But as i suck
my scorched fingers, i
find myself reaching
yet again.

 

October 21, 2017 at 2:15 pm Leave a comment

sudden wisdom

sudden wisdom

having thought, far too often
to love or know or understand
to name, to limit

confronted by the thought
of you, i’ve no response.

___________________________________________________________________

Very, very occasionally I think I approach what I mean.  But then that may well be sheer self-illusionment.

 

October 18, 2017 at 6:14 pm Leave a comment

A Brief Note About “voices”

and, for that matter, about blog-publishing more ‘current’ poetry.  That manuscript I have to regard as published.  Therefore I feel that I will slowly put the whole thing in my blog.  Actually, I tried to upload the whole ms. and the server groaned and quit.

 

This also means that I’m going to have to be much more careful about when and if I should post something new.  Violation of copyright laws is a serious offense, but more often than not a reputation is quietly built and there is a consequent hesitation about accepting manuscripts.  Redemption in this particular case is rather rare, as well.

 

It’s fitting that it should be so, as well.  It’s very old poetry, for the most part.  I don’t think I have anything except that one that predates my teenage years.

 

sun on bright water

narcissus, shattered

by a pebble

 

Written when I was 13.  That one remains.

October 11, 2017 at 1:42 pm Leave a comment

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