Posts filed under ‘chronic pain’

poetry from voices


it seems long since
i accosted the
strange-eyed god.
and, o, the gifts
that he gave me:
have brought some joy, and all some pain:

but the worst–the best–
is sight.



Pain’s been a bit much today.  Also spent most of the day chasing after some incidental medications.  Like the ones that keep me from having seizures.  Since I was found guilty of a criminal act for having a seizure, that could be really serious, not just …never mind.

April 4, 2009 at 2:41 am Leave a comment

Reverse Mortgages

…And here I thought they were for us renters, too.  The police have no sense of humor at all, either.



At least I can smile after we got turned down for food stamps.

March 23, 2009 at 9:17 pm Leave a comment

Chronic Pain

The best thing, of course, about chronic pain, is that there is one “sure-fire” means of ending.  The problem with that is, it doesn’t always work.  The best example I know of is the friend of a friend who shot himself in the head, twice–and lived.  This leaves out probable jail time (if you’re lucky or unlucky enough to not make it to a lockdown ward) and unending psychiatric help.  A doctor can’t feel the pain, and a large part of his [not sexism, shortness of wording] training is “preventing transference”–not caring.  I should know; I have a degree in psychology, and one of the keywords in that is–lack of transference.  You end up not talking about it because people around you get tired of hearing it and even sometimes get pleasure from telling you that.  They don’t believe anyone can live with that much pain, although most of us evidently have made it this far; generally chronic pain is an increasing thing, because of the underlying causes.  The best part, of course, is that actually effective painkillers start reducing ability to work.  They’re easy to addict to (I suppose; I’m not quite sure what addiction is; I can do without them–and my ability to do anything starts reducing rapidly after a while…oddly enough like painkillers, come to think of it).

Charybdis and Scylla, so to speak.  Don’t give in to self-pity, though, because then everyone will decide you’re not worth it.  It’s also often interesting convincing a doctor that you even need painkillers; in my case, for some reason, everyone has been suspicious I’m an addict.  It took my “PCP” something like five years to (audibly) convince himself I wasn’t an addict.  I have no comment, and I won’t give out his name; he was trained to make the mistake.  I suppose I should try going into some detail on this.  Right now I can’t, oddly enough.  I’m in too much pain, and I won’t keep anything near a “social networking” site just up.  I’m hesitant about even keeping a browser open when not using it, because it simply lends more vulnerability.  Anyway.  ***k.


March 16, 2009 at 4:06 am Leave a comment


pain persuades


March 12, 2009 at 12:07 am Leave a comment

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