Posts filed under ‘Meeting the Family’

My Brother

I’ve met him.  My actual half-brother.  I’m rather in shock, having been an only child for nearly 63 years.  The x amount of them is also in a tad of unprepared reaction, never having suspected that good old Dad (!) might have snuck off into the bushes while in Germany.  *I actually don’t remember if I was told what the venue was, but places to stay for Americans with money weren’t that hard to find just then.  I never have understood her shame about the whole incident.  He couldn’t have known, and I was in the “third trimester and so it was too late” to abort me.  Her last years were filled with repeated litanies of “I’m so glad I couldn’t have you aborted!!”  One of the things this means is that she didn’t even realize she missed a period or three and by then he was long gone.  Her knowledge of him was that he’d killed a taxi driver in a drunken fight in Berlin and was sentenced to San Quentin.  Or so she said.  My mother proved to be quite the liar, by choice.

 

He seems to have affection for .. Dad … and I haven’t heard about his mother one way or the other.  And…I can’t do this.  However, family.  What a shock.

August 6, 2016 at 4:06 pm Leave a comment

Meeting The Family

as it were, was quite simply a non-event, as I anticipated many years ago.  I’m not even saying I had a sense of deja vu, it occurred as I ‘foresaw’ it; the odd echoing ‘notness’ of the scene explained by the internet, which has some aspects of the tree falling in an unpeopled forest and the sort of sound (the implication that sound requires hearers, and thus definition of many things; names say more about the namer than the named) that transpires…and it was quite a fitting backdrop.  There was a tiny cascade of questions from one person, without even a shard of offered information about [that person’s] self.  I could tell you a great deal, mind, about likes and dislikes; but then my genius is about being able to see patterns.  Perceive, more like, particularly with today’s days’ blurred visions.

There were I think five messages from there, seven responses from mine.  I still am not accustomed to being the eternal outsider.  Mark me well; those are not the words of self-pity or delusion.  My earliest judgement was that most others are stupid.  I stand silent about my current thoughts save to observe that then and now my attitudes have led me when I managed any sort of sanity to stand alone.

To the Muhlheisens as were and may be, I bid you well.  I am rather sure we shall never speak nor meet again.  Eugene it seems doubtless that we would have enjoyed one another’s company a few years back, but it was not so.  There is no timefold here, no master to undo the knots of timely threads and weaves.

–Good grief.

July 8, 2016 at 6:57 pm Leave a comment