Posts filed under ‘social psychology’

A Personal Update

I’ve been down most of the year. I also nearly don’t write for around a year every time I move, ever since I became a poet at 9 (a teacher was going to type up a volume of poetry and never returned it; my adopted mother was furious and I took it as a compliment, and then we were on our way to Japan).

I don’t know why, except for a thing analogous to {German] “zeitgeist” although rather than ‘spirit’ or ‘essence’ of time it would be that of place. It didn’t happen with the (more or less) yearly trip down to Medford, Oregon from Oak Harbor, Washington at school break for summer and back up before school started again. “Medford” (actually Phoenix) was a ranch fairly high above the valley floor, atop a small hill (and which had a glen), 40 acres, temperatures of up to 110 Fahrenheit common in those dusty summers, two Labrador Retrievers, no other children to play with (which was almost totally welcome), my drunk stepfather wobbling around the outskirts and my [biological] mother vacillating between lust and hatred toward him–something it took me many years to understand. Oak Harbor was the place that to me was always chilly. It was also close to Seattle; lots of tv and radio stations, and on Whidbey Island. My adopted father worked at the naval station. The Dutch farmers pretty well hated that because before (with right of eminent domain) the government grabbed it, it was the most productive land in the world. Then between the temperature and the humidity (and whatever forests tend to do to the experiential atmosphere at ground level) there was a nearly magical quality to the place, most particularly at sunset and often at sunrise. Oregon is much different. It was Oregon Territory which was forced to become a state. The clay is apparent. Phoenix is in the Rogue Valley, and, no, Martha, there were no “Rogue Indians”. Rather a great many of the first settlers here had one thumb. I’ll let you look that up if you don’t know what it means, but it’s a definite indication that the person with the missing thumb was caught at something. When I was a kid the massive presence of the KKK was open; now it’s somewhat hidden. [Look up 1953, KKK, Grants Pass Oregon.] Hell’s Angel types are pretty common. You don’t mess with the police. The Sundowner law is still in effect, apparently. Oregon was and is economically depressed, especially Southern Oregon. The original settlers tend to have Southern accents.

Oak Harbor meant I was a strict Christian.

Phoenix more or less meant I was whoever the fuck I wanted to be.

Now I live in Medford (3 miles from Phoenix). I’ve spent 50 years in the Rogue Valley, basically, after having arrived here at 2.

October 9, 2021 at 2:47 am Leave a comment

Back out of the Hospital

This time, I broke my ribs by repeatedly pulling on something too hard. Mind you, I didn’t have any idea that could happen.

So I won’t even contemplate publishing poetry. It’s unlikely there’s time. My apologies to those who hate poetry…

Won’t be in regular progression but hopefully sequencing will be apparent. The bulk of my poetry will be recycled. There isn’t anyone who cares one way or the other in my immediate family.

This begins it:

slanted, distorted

views, yes: the learning

encompassed that: it even made no claim

to wisdom.

it was merely

that the progressions were not random.

the words lent were toward learning,


September 28, 2021 at 9:43 pm Leave a comment

An Interesting Picture

As I said, I once worked for the NSA. You may have to hunt for that…

February 28, 2021 at 10:39 pm Leave a comment

Heroin and Japan

Your specs for Japan on heroin are not very accurate because the Japanese government tries to absolutely control any drugs viewed as addictive. I don’t think you lived there. I did.

January 10, 2021 at 9:05 pm Leave a comment

1 Crude Joke

“Dad, I don’t understand what hemorrhoids are.”

“A real pain in the ass.”

December 26, 2020 at 2:59 pm Leave a comment

An Update

First of all, I believe the divorce is actually finally ending. I may still be being billed by Avista, which is rather odd. I live in a ‘travel trailer’ now and the gas is bottled. Of course, I also got billed by Ashland, Oregon Recology for the latest 2 months after having closed the account on October 31 and explicitly stating that I wasn’t responsible for gas to that address. I cannot safely name the location, of course. US Cellular has a policy that anyone with their own name on their phone along with the ‘owner’–the one paying the bills is the only thing that means–can modify any or all aspects of said account without notifying the bill-payer of said account. For instance, the two people of whom I am thinking did ‘upgrade’ their phones and good ol’ USC sophonts* never notified me of the change and didn’t ask if I’d allow it. I will give my ex-wife this: she made a lot of attempts to get her phones off my account and thus terminate my responsibility for her antics with the phone lines. Mind you, Bobert her attorney [yes, that is a deliberate misspelling of his name] had encouraged her with many of her activities. I could spot the exact time that she started getting into my safe after about the third month of divorce proceedings. Her attorney had it and it was the only copy I had. She had started taking things piecemeal from that safe, and I had to an extent actually trusted her. In the event, trusting her was a horrible mistake and almost got me killed a number of times. I was standing at my bedroom door one day and she started trying to do something with it, and she twisted directly into my path (well, spun; she quite certainly can’t twist at this date) [where I was standing and had been], knocked me down the stairs (while weight hardly corresponds to muscle, it does to inertia and inertia can be transferred [play pool any time] and I weighed something like 120–when I got to the hospital I was a stable 107@–); I survived only because I knew where the railing was that I nearly pulled free from the wall as I…successfully grabbed it and prevented the rest of the fall. She did not evidence awareness of the event. Said event was rather loud to me and I’m very deaf without hearing aids.

*sophont exactly corresponds to the word currently used for someone with high intelligence who learned formally and then kept learning at least nearly their entire life. John Brunner used the word a lot, I can’t recall it, it is in rarefied circles still in use [sciences that use it; psychology, philosophy, sociology and more rarely the so-called ‘hard scientists’.

@a small part of that was not attributable to her, since after I underwent treatment for a 50-year-old walking pneumonia case which proceeded to kill off all my intestinal flora and fauna (that includes e coli, btw) I went to another hospital where I nearly died before they could manage to repopulate my intestines [start taking acidophilus by the way]. Mind you, people with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 7 at late 66 and 67 are ‘walking’ rather rapidly toward death. I imagine you know what I have.

When I was finally progressing toward release on the latter, I got my notification of release, it had become more sophisticated and included an unsafe environment–I was also in the first stage of the divorce my ex-wife instigated–and I realized that living with her and her daughter was indeed dangerous. For instance, my ex-wife had me on what amounted to a ketone diet. I can’t digest protein for metabolic purposes, which means I have grave problems producing collagen, which is what contributes to formation and maintenance of protein related structures in the body. Muscles, cartilage, tendons, ligaments, skin, the brain and nervous system, the eyes, the hair, the blood vessels [I’ve said it before variously but, THE HEART]. Oh, and nails. In fact, I bet if I sat here and meditated I’d find most of the body is composed of protein.

I’m 67, still walking. Most people with the syndrome at level 7 stop walking around 50 because they can’t stand the pain. I just can’t stand the thought of living in a wheel chair or even being only partially ambient, which is one of the reasons I hate having to use a cane. I’ve been unable to find one who did last to 70 or past it. The pain is unbearable except I’m OCD untreated and concentration can blank out all.

I started the year with 2 hospital visits that I’ve just detailed, progressed to divorce proceedings before I got out of the second hospital visit, and proceeded to live in motels for 10 months, while paying all the utilities on the address I didn’t frequent let alone live in any longer, plus of course mortgage and Home Owner’s Association monthly dues [$2700 more or less], giving her $400 a month for shopping–paying the insurance while her child could drive the car after she totaled her last one–and of course the $1200 a month that the cheapest motels worked out to and all that on $4400 a month, of course including food. Not that that even now seems to work out mathematically.

She frequented my safe and I was too stupid to be aware of it.

She used my cards without permission while we were undergoing divorce. I hope she sues me for libel. There’s information at the bank on it and both lawyers saw it. Just as I can finally say that someone who totted up debts totaling about $200,000 in 4 or 5 increments over the years and then had accrued $42,000 more, which turned into a hundred thousand [including $20,000 in debts accrued over…yeah, you guessed it; 2 months!] and then some amount more and she told me she didn’t include all her debts…is probably not totally trustworthy. On anything. At any time. Or in any way.

I didn’t name her. It wouldn’t be hard to find out.

December 24, 2020 at 2:27 am Leave a comment

The Maori and Their Demise

The Maori are still around; that’s an exaggeration. However, they don’t occupy the position they once did, and that shows why.

It seems I met one, who was not anything like a killer and cannibal. The ethnic origins of a person mean nothing if there is no contact with the associated culture, and I am an example. I “should be” a pedophile. Instead, I hate them and had to disown my adopted family in order not to kill one of them. That indicates I was molested, incidentally; I don’t remember it. I come from a service culture that once basically encouraged sexual abuse of children, after all. No, I will not specify what I mean. Fortunately, it’s rapidly dying (and in some cases ‘dying’ is quite literal).

I knew a cannibal as a child, although it took me many years to understand that was what he was referring to. He was ashamed of it, no longer practiced it, and couldn’t manage to deny it.

Mind you, the greatest social sin is quite simply unvarnished honesty.


October 2, 2020 at 1:15 pm Leave a comment

Why It’s Hard to Overcome my Practiced Silence

My reticence about the Navy was enforced while I was still in it. I couldn’t even talk to others in my division (including the five enlisted who also had Crypto clearance–other than chiefs and above, and who also had only need-to-know access to classified information).

I’ve already been accused of supplying information to foreign governments. I got out of the Navy in 1975. That surfaced in this century and was in reference, mainly, to this blog. They did have a serious problem with formally charging me; they can’t even fabricate evidence that I’m receiving monies from such entities, or even that I’m communicating with them.

However, after all that time, they’ve finally acknowledged I was (knowingly) working for the NSA. I can’t be silent, but I’m unable to hurry. And there is so much distortion of twentieth century history at this point, someone correcting the PAO [Public Affairs Office, which prepares statements for the press and the like] hugely may have repercussions.

I’m dying. If they imprison me I’ll die more quickly. I’m also in greater pain each and every day, although I’ve refused to even discuss taking more oxycodone or some other, more powerful drug.

August 17, 2020 at 6:09 pm Leave a comment

Environmental Dissolution Due to An Invasive Species

The author of this article doesn’t seem to appreciate how quickly things will accelerate as far as melting ice (and snow) and their contribution to the sea level. Even the ocean’s major currents are shifting; air flow is far different from what it was in 1960. Without detailing it, I personally watched the changed and kept in touch with the records of what changed in terms of public availability. During my tour in the Navy I accidentally accessed a means of research. I was devastated by the fact that the assumptions (pardon me, “a prioris”, since “You know what assume means? IT MAKES AN ASS OUT OF YOU AND ME!”–a military aphorism, and an implicit admission that there is no knowledge of what an a priori is. That means that it admittedly occurs outside the realm of logic. And yes, that means there is a decided vulnerability that is both implicit and irremediable–and yes, as far as that goes, that could be the implication of a threat–but what could a dying cripple do to endanger the powers that be?) that I’d privately made were entirely correct.

The second thing to point out is that when the rain forests dessicate to the point that nearly simultaneous fires start, to the point that a noticeable portion of the given continent is aflame, the amount of ash released into the atmosphere is the second most serious consequence. The most serious consequence should be extremely obvious. However, I’ll delay that for a bit. That ash amount will be somewhere around the volume released by Krakatoa. That means a precipitous decline in temperature will immediately ensue.

Should this occur, it is extremely unlikely that it will occur on one continent (or portion thereof) alone.

I’ll add one hint, exhausted or not. There are a couple of fun notes about Hanford.

Oh, and if you’re getting nervous–I’m not talking to single people, but a rather large and unnamed group–there’s an easy way to shut me up. Contact me about paying me for forcing me to do an illegal job. If you don’t understand that, it doesn’t concern you. Most people have nothing to do with it, and couldn’t.

The Sargasso Sea used to be a horizon-to-horizon expanse of seaweed. Now, it’s plastic.

The matter on top of that Sea–which is caused by currents establishing a portion of sea somewhat akin to the “eye” of a circular wind form–slowly “precipitates” to the bottom of the ocean. It is then absorbed by plants, which are eaten, and a progression up the “food chain” begins. Any part of that particular food chain will then have some portion of their bodies made of…plastic. That was the object of observation in the latter portion of the 20th century.

What does this mean in terms of genetic changes in both plants and animals, short and long term?

Then of course we should cast a momentary glance at the nanoparticles that were so popular for, oh, forty years or so? They were used for flavoring in toothpaste, among other things. Those old enough will even remember the advertisement of “nanoparticles” as a particularly good thing, although why it was supposed to be good was never quite addressed, other than that it was due to “recent scientific advancements”. Now the bottoms of our streams and rivers are covered with these tiny particles and no one has the slightest idea of how to remove them. Hint: look up nano if this confused you at all. Look it up on the net.

There’s another particularly oblivious way that the U.S. government employed on nuclear waste disposal, but to be honest I’m tired. I actually apparently have evidence–probably not recoverable–that I was being poisoned for a couple of years, which was why some portions of myself deteriorated. It would help explain why some of these conditions have disappeared and the others are waning still. [A hospital made many notes that there was suspected poisoning and I consistently thought they meant I was poisoning myself with illegal drugs; however, long after that I realized that they never once asked me about drug usage. I’m sure it’s an incidental note that I’m going through a divorce initiated by my spouse.

Anyway, the most obvious thing is this. A huge fire involves massive usage of oxygen. The Sargasso Sea being covered with plastic means that the biggest former single producer of oxygen is steadily losing ability to do that (the ocean). The rain forests were major producers of oxygen.

By the way, the biggest single contributor to atmospheric pollution of which I know is the usage of jets. They burn approximately 45% of their fuel. The other 55-60%–I’m being optimistic, now, on the figures–is used as coolant so that the ceramic linings of the jet engines themselves don’t disappear. Even when not burnt, mind you, it serves as propellant. The point is that contrails have nothing to do with atmospheric condensation, they’re raw fuel.

August 16, 2020 at 7:42 pm Leave a comment

To Sue (Gillespie)

To Sue (nee) Gillespie

I never guessed, and I’m sure you don’t know that. When you came angrily chasing me long after (it was long after for me, because for years each day without you dessicated my soul a little more, and I was freshly home from the war where veterans were mainly scorned, and because you were so perfect, starting with your intelligence and wit) you’d told me to leave, I couldn’t imagine what you could want. You’d said you hated me at the point of our last words, as I recall it.

I’d buried away the memory of that one afternoon where I made love to you (yes, it was that) and almost instantly your parents drove home, as the others alerted us. I’d convinced myself I was sterile.

Is it surprising that it took me forty five years to suddenly realize what your anger was about? I had no idea you were pregnant. I’d have married you in an instant, not that I was much of a prize. I suspect I would have been, because I would have been able to escape the nightmare circlings of the past and things I’d done.

And the absolute worst part of all of this? you never guessed I didn’t realize and I’m sure you’ll never know. That was Whidbey Island, when I wore my adopted last name of Smith and I was freshly out of the Vietnam war; our first meeting was at the community college where you volunteered to work on the paper with me and…you were so perfect and young that I could only flee. Well, no, that’s not the worst, come to think of it. You could never accept that I actually did love you. Not your face that launched a thousand ships, or any of your other countless beautiful aspects; I loved you.

And because I didn’t realize, you had the child aborted. But then you never knew this, either; my mother tried frantically to have me aborted. And each fetus thereafter was caught in a timely fashion, so that there was no problem. Somewhere between six and twelve from what I could figure. “You remember all those trips to Las Vegas I told you about, so Jay could gamble? Actually, I was just getting another abortion.”

Yes, I’d have married you.

August 14, 2020 at 12:40 am Leave a comment

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