1 Crude Joke

“Dad, I don’t understand what hemorrhoids are.”

“A real pain in the ass.”

December 26, 2020 at 2:59 pm Leave a comment

An Update

First of all, I believe the divorce is actually finally ending. I may still be being billed by Avista, which is rather odd. I live in a ‘travel trailer’ now and the gas is bottled. Of course, I also got billed by Ashland, Oregon Recology for the latest 2 months after having closed the account on October 31 and explicitly stating that I wasn’t responsible for gas to that address. I cannot safely name the location, of course. US Cellular has a policy that anyone with their own name on their phone along with the ‘owner’–the one paying the bills is the only thing that means–can modify any or all aspects of said account without notifying the bill-payer of said account. For instance, the two people of whom I am thinking did ‘upgrade’ their phones and good ol’ USC sophonts* never notified me of the change and didn’t ask if I’d allow it. I will give my ex-wife this: she made a lot of attempts to get her phones off my account and thus terminate my responsibility for her antics with the phone lines. Mind you, Bobert her attorney [yes, that is a deliberate misspelling of his name] had encouraged her with many of her activities. I could spot the exact time that she started getting into my safe after about the third month of divorce proceedings. Her attorney had it and it was the only copy I had. She had started taking things piecemeal from that safe, and I had to an extent actually trusted her. In the event, trusting her was a horrible mistake and almost got me killed a number of times. I was standing at my bedroom door one day and she started trying to do something with it, and she twisted directly into my path (well, spun; she quite certainly can’t twist at this date) [where I was standing and had been], knocked me down the stairs (while weight hardly corresponds to muscle, it does to inertia and inertia can be transferred [play pool any time] and I weighed something like 120–when I got to the hospital I was a stable 107@–); I survived only because I knew where the railing was that I nearly pulled free from the wall as I…successfully grabbed it and prevented the rest of the fall. She did not evidence awareness of the event. Said event was rather loud to me and I’m very deaf without hearing aids.

*sophont exactly corresponds to the word currently used for someone with high intelligence who learned formally and then kept learning at least nearly their entire life. John Brunner used the word a lot, I can’t recall it, it is in rarefied circles still in use [sciences that use it; psychology, philosophy, sociology and more rarely the so-called ‘hard scientists’.

@a small part of that was not attributable to her, since after I underwent treatment for a 50-year-old walking pneumonia case which proceeded to kill off all my intestinal flora and fauna (that includes e coli, btw) I went to another hospital where I nearly died before they could manage to repopulate my intestines [start taking acidophilus by the way]. Mind you, people with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 7 at late 66 and 67 are ‘walking’ rather rapidly toward death. I imagine you know what I have.

When I was finally progressing toward release on the latter, I got my notification of release, it had become more sophisticated and included an unsafe environment–I was also in the first stage of the divorce my ex-wife instigated–and I realized that living with her and her daughter was indeed dangerous. For instance, my ex-wife had me on what amounted to a ketone diet. I can’t digest protein for metabolic purposes, which means I have grave problems producing collagen, which is what contributes to formation and maintenance of protein related structures in the body. Muscles, cartilage, tendons, ligaments, skin, the brain and nervous system, the eyes, the hair, the blood vessels [I’ve said it before variously but, THE HEART]. Oh, and nails. In fact, I bet if I sat here and meditated I’d find most of the body is composed of protein.

I’m 67, still walking. Most people with the syndrome at level 7 stop walking around 50 because they can’t stand the pain. I just can’t stand the thought of living in a wheel chair or even being only partially ambient, which is one of the reasons I hate having to use a cane. I’ve been unable to find one who did last to 70 or past it. The pain is unbearable except I’m OCD untreated and concentration can blank out all.

I started the year with 2 hospital visits that I’ve just detailed, progressed to divorce proceedings before I got out of the second hospital visit, and proceeded to live in motels for 10 months, while paying all the utilities on the address I didn’t frequent let alone live in any longer, plus of course mortgage and Home Owner’s Association monthly dues [$2700 more or less], giving her $400 a month for shopping–paying the insurance while her child could drive the car after she totaled her last one–and of course the $1200 a month that the cheapest motels worked out to and all that on $4400 a month, of course including food. Not that that even now seems to work out mathematically.

She frequented my safe and I was too stupid to be aware of it.

She used my cards without permission while we were undergoing divorce. I hope she sues me for libel. There’s information at the bank on it and both lawyers saw it. Just as I can finally say that someone who totted up debts totaling about $200,000 in 4 or 5 increments over the years and then had accrued $42,000 more, which turned into a hundred thousand [including $20,000 in debts accrued over…yeah, you guessed it; 2 months!] and then some amount more and she told me she didn’t include all her debts…is probably not totally trustworthy. On anything. At any time. Or in any way.

I didn’t name her. It wouldn’t be hard to find out.

December 24, 2020 at 2:27 am Leave a comment

Gee, that is a nice advertisement



October 19, 2020 at 12:57 am Leave a comment

The Maori and Their Demise


The Maori are still around; that’s an exaggeration. However, they don’t occupy the position they once did, and that shows why.

It seems I met one, who was not anything like a killer and cannibal. The ethnic origins of a person mean nothing if there is no contact with the associated culture, and I am an example. I “should be” a pedophile. Instead, I hate them and had to disown my adopted family in order not to kill one of them. That indicates I was molested, incidentally; I don’t remember it. I come from a service culture that once basically encouraged sexual abuse of children, after all. No, I will not specify what I mean. Fortunately, it’s rapidly dying (and in some cases ‘dying’ is quite literal).

I knew a cannibal as a child, although it took me many years to understand that was what he was referring to. He was ashamed of it, no longer practiced it, and couldn’t manage to deny it.

Mind you, the greatest social sin is quite simply unvarnished honesty.


October 2, 2020 at 1:15 pm Leave a comment

A Beautiful Picture

Brendan Smialowski/Getty

This absolutely fits with my impression of President Pl…oops, Trump. The expression is most seen on the faces of spoiled children, in my experience.

September 26, 2020 at 4:12 pm Leave a comment



i have stood

on hillsides, staring

at hills

half-hidden through

the rain, the mist

(the mountains

are hidden today).

some things

still clear, the distant rendered obscure

some reminiscent shadowshape…

i have few words to say. The world

is but a word.

This being my dotage, I’m allowed repetition. Besides, a large part of that manuscript was attempting to mark the way toward some sane version of media-created reality.

September 26, 2020 at 1:24 am Leave a comment

As Far as AI

  1. What humans actually want is an artificial personality with intelligence. One of the missing components is error. Another is instead of 2-value logic must be 3-value; yes, no, maybe.

2. The means of producing one is quite obvious and potentially dangerous. A laboratory for that would almost have to be off-planet. One of the caveats would be definition of roles. Given that humans were to be observed making a move wrong from its genesis perspective, it might well fit exactly into Arnold Schwarznegger’s series.

3. Logic is and can only be a reflection of how data is processed most efficiently from a ‘human’ perspective. That is, there is no possibility that all logically inferred propositions are true.

4. A lingually-oriented consciousness is a number of things.

A. It operates on the principle of definition by exclusion.

B. Freud’s ‘unconscious mind’ is a misnomer. What one experiences in a timely fashion often has nothing to do with language; it might even be more correct to say “never”.

C. Language is a representative system with exactly one purpose; to facilitate communication within the given group.

D. Language is necessarily linear. It can concentrate on one “thread” at a time.

E. Language with respect to ‘artificial’ [whatevers] operates on the principle of definition by exclusion.

There’s more I have to say, but that’s it for now.

September 24, 2020 at 5:06 pm Leave a comment



have you ever

played with the dragons?–

one changed me, for a while

and we spun arabesques1

in the wind, lighting

the sky in our fiery course.

ah–have you ever

played with the dragons? i

did; it ruined

my life. i’ve spent it dreaming,

trying vaguely to recreate

those half-remembered flights.

dedicated to Ursula K. Leguin the The Earthsea trilogy; she did read it.

August 25, 2020 at 6:24 pm Leave a comment

Trump And The Election


To me it has been very apparent that Donald is a worshiper of the notion of the Godking. The separation of church and state (the bias inherent in the very naming of this ‘principle’ should be obvious) is hypothetical, as was Marx’ withering away of the government. Neither is in fact possible. The separation of Realpolitik from any moral system has been proven to occur, and thus far it has proven fatal in the short term to those who attempt to establish it. The people–“the governed” in this formulation I’m mentioning, which attempts to deal only with that favored phrase–are the origin of power. Admittedly, the current amount of control coupled with the percentage of the dissatisfied residents of this country is an explosive mixture, and it cannot be resolved until said citizens–we–have reasserted control.

Unfortunately, that’s impossible.

Vlad and Xi both used tactics to establish their power which Trump admired.

He’s also been attracted to the use of nuclear weapons since before he was president. That is, he talked about it a great deal and was in favor of their usage, from what I could gather of his Rush Limbaugh-like rambling monologues.

There are other things, but I’m tired and wary.


August 21, 2020 at 5:07 pm Leave a comment

blind repetition or ritual?

blind repetition or ritual?

at times your remembrance

blinds me into setting

your place again at the table

although you are gone from here

and no matter how

we might grieve or pray

you shall not (ever) return.

quietly, i replace the dishes

and then stand for a moment

staring down into

the winter-shadowed valley from this hill

(and remembering that hill

of yours).

actually, we parted

when i was a child

and i am old now.

at times, i find myself

setting your place…

August 20, 2020 at 11:30 pm 1 comment

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