Posts tagged ‘reality, iconic dialogues, value and perception, timely perception, relativity and truth’


The impetus here is fairly simple.  I have an EEG coming up next week.  An electroencephalogram is just a measurement of the brain waves, right?  A strobe goes with it.  I’m epileptic.  I’ll get to why in a minute.  The thing here is that if I have a grand mal, I’m going to have a heart attack.  So they’ll anesthetize me.  And every time until I manage to find the way back, every time they bring me out of anesthesia I’ll seize and have a heart attack.  I have deliberately exposed myself to strobes, and accidentally.  Multiple cop cars at night can’t do it.  I can turn away.  When I was driving by the cops, I retained everything.


I was behaviorally programmed to be a multiple personality in my childhood.  That’s where the epilepsy came in.  I had a neat plan to come out of it all when I could get out of the household where my adopted mother had PTSD–her father was a pedophile–my adopted father had PTSD–Korean war veteran–my adopted sister/first cousin was the one fondled by him and nearly certainly …[she had children, one a boy]…my adopted brother was a pedophile with his children and showed many of the traits when I was child.  Fortunately he was gone soon.  I was intelligent enough to frighten them.  I was also illegitimate, and my adopted mother was trying to assuage her guilt at having given her two illegitimate children to an orphanage as well as trying to “save” me.  Which had to be impossible according to her religion.  I was intelligent enough to frighten every teacher I had from thirteen on at least (I got into school at 5; my adopted parents wouldn’t allow me to go to college because I wasn’t sufficiently socialized–no one including teachers knew WTF I was talking about).


I had one seizure in childhood.  Then I figured out how to do something.  Can’t explain that one.


I take deadly poison every day.

Carbamazepine (Tegretol-XR [extended relief] tablet) 400 mg twice daily.  This is the one that’s finally starting to kill me because of what it does to the (whole) digestive tract. Causes balding, deafness, tinnitus (ringing in the ears), leaches calcium from the bones, causes vitamin deficits.

Divalproex/Depakote/valproic acid 500 mg 4 tablets twice daily.


Levetiracetam/Keppra 750 mg twice daily.


My liver is fine.  Still (it can’t be but whatever).  Bleeding internally.  Oh, I forgot the anorexia.  Oh, and the fact that Carbamazepine is directly a narcotic antagonist!! I have a medical marijuana card. It helps amplify the painkillers and actually doesn’t do a damned thing for my appetite, usually.


It should have killed me about five years ago.  Liver damage most of all, because almost everything has acetaminophen in it.  You can’t get high on this stuff, incidentally.


Bone density is fine.  I just took the Carbamazepine and it’s exiting my stomach and going into the colon, which is nearly unbearable.  If I take food with it I tend to associate the taste of those terrible medicines with food.


–I always had problems with sprained ankles and wrists.  Right now I’m wearing 4 braces to walk, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.  The VA wants to say it’s III, which means hyperextension only.  Look up the symptoms of VII if you’re into horror stories.  I can see b better in the dark than practically anything except a cat, though.  It’s a double recessive.  A mild case (Type III) is–double-jointed!  That’s what Trump has, by the way, if you look at his thumbs.  From what I can tell everyone in his cabinet has hyperextension as well (they can bend fingers in odd ways and tends to be true of at least some joints) as if he placed some dorky value on it.

That’s why the Percocet/oxycodone.  They tried me on Ibuprofen, which is actually poisonous with the combination above (the VA) and I went for it.  Started puking up the anti-seizure pills.  I don’t want to wake up with half a mind in a bed, with holes in it to be slowly recovered.   I quit.  I’ve been in constant  pain since I was 30, I’m 63.  I remember clearly because when I was 32 I finally asked my mother if everyone was always in pain all the time.


I believe I’ve more or less synthesized the personalities. Sort of.  Different writing styles.  Different handwriting.  Different accents.  Dress the same.  I even  had the differing names, forced on  me.


Ever heard the Chinese curse “May you live in interesting times”?


I do know I was about to figure out a way out, and I was forced into a job with a Top Secret crypto clearance that meant I couldn’t talk to anyone about what I knew.  For eight years.  It became a habit not to talk.


I tried to commit suicide in order to prevent this stage.  I say ‘more or less synthesized’  but from everything I know it won’t  be complete.  I even have one episode from my childhood that I deliberately hid from myself.


Less than  a year after I entered the Navy at 17 I was proofreading the message that told C0mmander Pacific Fleet the current info on the Vietnam war, that went to JCS, that went directly to the president (Nixon’s could possibly have been edited a bit, and that might have been when someone thought of how to implement complete deniability).


–The rest I still can’t tell about that.  I’m positive that was what set the lock.  If I can pass the EEG I can control the  process.  I don’t know.


The worst part, you see, is that a seizure is a psychedelic trip, for me at least, and my brain likes…   I must move motionlessly, and speak without words.  At the moment of the test I must be able to confine my consciousness to itself.  Sound like nonsense?  For many years I could only work at a call center because of epilepsy.  So I’d have a seizure–a bad petit mal–I WOULD FINISH A PHONE CALL, generally holding off a seizure, sometimes working through it–and I would drive home, mercifully less than three miles.  It’s been ten years.  I have fought off even the vestiges of beginning a seizure.



If I don’t do that, the Carbamazepine looks likely to kill me shortly.  I have to get the meds from the VA, check the price on them without insurance and remember who’s president.


Hard one to write, actually.

I forgot to add that: when I went aboard ComSeventhFlt’s ship (Oklahoma City CLG-5 [specify that to look at her; she’s full fathom five now, having been a US gunnery target] I was immediately offered a scholarship to Annapolis, which would have obligated me for 11 years; for a 18 year old hard to swallow.  They pressured me while I was on to transfer to the United Kingdom Navy for some reason. Getting out they offered me a passage on the Navy oceanographic vessel for two years, civvies and $50 a day per diem.  When I got out I immediately had a job, went back the next day to start and the NSA had scared them out of it.  Shortly thereafter I got my job offer from the CIA.


Got more current information last century from someone, who was NSA but got brain cancer.  Pretty sure he’s dead.  Odd thing, though.  He’s still following me, and he had already blocked me by the time I found out he’d become my Twitter follower–blocked me, that is, from communicating with him directly, and didn’t answer the one generalized tweet.  He has five followers.  We verified each other by–common knowledge that was actually above Top Secret.


I’m hoping they follow me now.  I now try to disseminate information, and I simply don’t know if I can organize and type that fast.


The solution used to solve Vietnam AND Mao ran out in 2012.  Brunner forecast 2000, Kissinger approximately 2035, the US government said 2050+.  I was the one who said 2012.  China got the Gulf of Tonkin oil and Mao got the chief spy, his best friend.  They had currency and energy, although Mao couldn’t be seen advocating trade with the free world.  Did I mention I was reading The Writings of Chairman Mao in Radioman “A” school, and that it required a Secret clearance?  Oddly enough, there was someone there the very day I was done with the book (I’d been seen making notes in it, and had been questioned about it) who wanted it.  I’d been  openly investigated by the Secret Service.


Finally, I got angry, the beginning of this century.  I wasn’t supposed to be given that job at my age and rank.  It was in fact illegal.  When I got out I knew what to verify and I did.  The people I told you about, my grandfather and adopted father?…and therefore the family members?…why, they (we) were all vetted for security clearances.  That was what truly tied that Gordian knot that I am trying to untie or better follow Damocles with a sword of sorts.  If I succeed I shan’t be precisely the same; however, I am managing to remember things between…what ever you call personalities aware of each other.


But we can’t directly relate. The least is muscle spasms.  I can’t allow the insane anger that my biological father and brother shared and share to take control again–I attempt balance.


At least I’m recovering more of my (current) memory than I thought I could.

February 3, 2017 at 4:31 am Leave a comment

A Short Note

No, I won’t be doing that solely.  However, I do have rather a large volume of poetry that I spent enough energy attempting to publish by conventional means.  I can’t judge whether anyone will be interested or not; my guessing mechanism is broken on that one.  There are too many streams of cause on that one.  More fun to read something easy, sometimes.  There are so many sources of information and entertainment that competition is in a real sense meaningless.  I spent a long while pretending to be (apparently the act wasn’t successful to anyone who was near me) unintelligent and obscure.  Being noticeable wasn’t part of the plan, which meant I really didn’t want publication on one hand.


Right now I’m trying to assimilate 50 years of thought or so into a small, manageable form.  Relatively small.  I can go back and do the research.  Most has been done; I just need  as a start to predict and then check–I can go back and do the research.


The start of the years of thought was that I trusted neither determinism nor free will and most of all not absolute predestination [Calvinism].  Pure free will didn’t seem available.  Determinism (behaviorism) didn’t work, although that could be because of the fact that it assumed the identity principle.  Which seemed ridiculous once formally stated to me.  I was challenged by a teacher on that one; it seems I’m stubborn and quite persistent.


September 25, 2016 at 6:02 pm Leave a comment

Yesterday’s Entry

That was merely the release of pent-up frustration, built over nearly six decades.  There were moments when I was “one of them”.  Unfortunately early something else also intervened, that of consciousness, enlightened or (probably) not.  When I mentioned “my genius” yesterday I did so in light of a couple of government tests based on the Stanford-Benet (version 1970s) [skipping similar whatevers on whatever; I detest bragging simply because most of my (known) family so delighted in it, and I know I overdo it in my detestation, c’est le whatever once again; You Can’t Go Home Again most particularly if you find you weren’t there in the first place a depressing number of times].  My Aunt Marie had a high I.Q., periodic depression and self-loathing (leading to sadism, and, I suspect masochism) and even the records of her flights toward and acquisition of knowledge.  My Aunt Marie.  My Mom.  Or then again there’s Barbara.  My Mom.  The second, however, occurred legally when I was 7, seconds (days; it was the…never mind; six days) before I was 8 and enraging my now (half) sister and brother soon because that meant a whole lot of presents for me, what with Christmas and then all that…


Before that, there had been three years with Mom.  The first one, Barbara.  The one who immediately tried to have me aborted but I did the miscourtesy of birthing early–a month early, according to my steely-minded biological mother.  No, I never use sarcasm.  There were good parts.  On her side she simply had to get fucked.  I’m sorry, but bush-beating isn’t in the cards just now.  Or banging heads against walls in the vain attempt to avoid the brutal onset of the realization of the truth.  One does it, or rather the crowd does; it’s even contagious, you know, like the rebirthed dance from side to side of the nimble-footed and dull-witted pedestrians, in memory of my youth (presumably there are even old textbooks around still recording it), the one I personally solved by stopping and waiting.  I have weak ankles, you see.  Doing the Dance wasn’t in.  Doing all sorts of things to shy away from the Truth, the Whole Truth…wait a minute, I’ve gone off course here; no, I don’t mean to imply that there is such a thing.  Most of history is about nimble dances around perceived holes in the ground, said ‘holes’ consisting of, well, Truth, in minor manifestations.  I mean, it can happen.  Really.  Sort of.  She would get a few nights off and come back bathed in the fumes of nicotine and alcohol and fat and happy.  I’m going to leave the old phrase alone there because it’s so fitting.  By the end of a week or two she would be sagging and consumed with nothing but Truth in various manifestations.  I was the fart at the brunch, being a bastard.  No, I’m not pointing out my abominable behavior; I’m a bastard.  By birth.  I have no proper last name.  Whereas that’s no big thing now it was in the late 1950s in Jackson County.  They had Sundowner laws here until relatively recently; one city may still have them on the books.  There was pressure for me to vanish or find a father, preferably the former.  I was an embarrassment, and also to the family.


The 3 years, you see, was a trial, even to an infant.  Or perhaps not just any baby, I wouldn’t know.

Then there was Jay, who was an abuser.  He did bruise me a bit, but I did some unbelievable things for play by myself as well.  No, there’s no reason to report that without being asked.  The things I did weren’t sexual [in my world they couldn’t be, since I was 5].  And nearly 3 years later I was adopted.


That’s my life.  That’s the real world.  The very idea of being able to assign any importance to the nature of my biological father is somewhere between laughable and infuriating–and I have verified PTSD.  No more turning in circles because at a crucial point I’m very likely to snap and try to kill.  No one is going to try to entice me into it now, even if the possibility ever existed.  ::the sound of that tree in that unpeopled forest::


July 9, 2016 at 7:02 pm Leave a comment

Modal Philosophy and Truth

Modal philosophy isn’t necessarily tied to a religious system (lack of religion should be taken as implicit in this statement).

A modally-oriented philosophy could actually be one of several sorts.  Dooyeveert’s version was that basic truths were acquired by means of the Bible (without going into origins and editings).

The more that a philosophy (particularly one restricted in viewpoint) or sociopolitical system provides stability the less it is able to adapt.

[mutterings and murmurings at midnight]


October 25, 2008 at 4:12 am Leave a comment


The one way in which “Web 2.0” is truly a valid concept to mind is this; we’re on the way for the first time to constructing a group artifact that we could call reality.  I don’t think we can capitalize it yet.  The next thing is to learn how to forget some things we don’t even remember learning–like (oddly enough) “the group is always right!”  At least, though, we did make it somewhere to where programmers were no longer the shrouded and coiffed keepers of The Holy Grail.  It even turned out they had dandruff.  Of course, it’s now that we’re trying to deal with our need for authority.  [That’s why we keep putting off the adaptability bit for another day.]


August 29, 2008 at 4:09 am Leave a comment

Further Odd Notes: Renditions of Reality

August 24, 2008

5:37 PM

Switched to Jarte. Lots of notes toward a ‘finished’ version of A Relative View, which seems suddenly more the name of the thing. This seems appropriate since I spent about 20 hours writing and notionally it was all on the same day. Actually it would have to be 2000 for that to be true, I guess. I’m a bit cloudy just now. I got a compliment on a blog entry that I just didn’t trust, so I marked it as spam and now am running a thorough scan on the machine. Perhaps it’s mainly because I can do it in such silence.


08/25/08 04:28:30 PM

Continuing on this entry simply because I’d closed the first, and never posted this one. In the midst finally remembered to change the system reference to *.rtf files to AbiWord (fires up faster than Open Office) and finally forget the point of all that. It’s actually going to be continuing on about protocols and such, after I got too tired to carry on with actually writing about it but kept thinking about it. The frontal lobe acquisition of processing is fascinating in a number of ways, particularly since there’s particular indication that a socially-oriented animal will be less efficient at surviving alone or in marginal situations–but can’t survive in group-oriented situations, because the logic varies too much. Which bears thought. It’s also why in a situation where the scheme of value of someone is known (and verified), actions can be predicted, and why that scheme of value can actually be obtained through a relatively limited number of definitions, mainly because the source of the definitions (the logos) tends to be intrinsic. Patterns, that is, are much more revealing than words, though the words are the bridge to the patterns.



Most particularly important is the methodology of knowledge employed. It’s curious that it has so many names, and that the most common–at least when the thinker is being honest–is “faith” or some variant of the concept. Truth is defined by faith. Reality presumably requires truth. I’m tired of all the quotation marks I’ve used through my life, so I think I’m abandoning it. It might be apparent that there was a time gap there; however, it was more a pause to consider just how to word something than a break. What’s coming up is a break. My major problem in the consideration that formally started when I was about nine was that I couldn’t really find a way to envision the whole model of “reality” at one time. There were too many parts to it. It was like needing to present 3-D in 2-D, and being the artistic equivalent of dyslexic at the same time.


Before I take a break, there is absolutely no way that evolutionary theory–in point of fact the evolutionary hypothesis–is exclusive of the Bible. God could use any means God wanted. God doesn’t have sexual equipment, though, and “she” would in many ways be a more accurate analogy. To a great many extinct species, the extinction of “humans” (something I’ve never seen well defined) would be at least appropriate. Death is a matter of time. Sooner or later you’re picked as a dance partner.



To take a staggering step backward, that is, there seem to have been steps that might have aptly been termed triage. There were limited supplies that were dwindling, and not everyone was going to make it. A survival bar came into being. If you didn’t pass, you didn’t survive.


The time of limited supplies lasted quite a while. If I’m right, one source puts it at “a thousand generations” or 500 or so years. I don’t know. I’m interpreting scraps that I’ve read from various sources, and the people quoting them certainly wouldn’t agree with my identification of the subject. That was one of the problems I had every time I was in a school. The only part of this I would stand by is that the tactics–which are an entirely different matter–in fact do point to this having happened.


There was also of course the following age of growing plenty. Bear in mind that behaving morally–the mass of people, at least–means that you actually have a way a society can work. The other way found so far is complete subjugation, and it doesn’t work, even worse than the other way. In any population which is expanding, the current means of government (let alone members thereof) will fall. The question is whether sooner or later.



A successful society would be one in which its language and structure allowed it to react successfully to an ever-changing environment. One of the changes intrinsically included would be a continual change in values resulting from interaction with other cultures. Note that media and nodes (personalities or events) may actually establish modes–methods of perspective effect over variant periods of time, and generally extremely changeable with respect to physical position (because of political jurisdiction).



There are going to be some characteristic cultural reflections of tactics employed at the political and military level (and particularly at the religious mode, bearing in mind that any of the three can function as modes, nodes, or both) that will be lasting and will essentially bear the marks of lessons that have been learned.


A node is a point in a society that’s identifiable, and of an inherent duration. Generally, a cult is going to be a node while a religion won’t be–because a religion is generally considered to be longer-lasting, and to have impact on and be impacted by the society or societies in which it resides. An actor is a great example of a node. A medium generally isn’t a mode; it isn’t a way of perceiving meaning–which is one of the ways in which a cult satisfies the requirements, intrinsically. Interestingly enough, it’s become pretty apparent that nearly all cults are actually based on just one person, or rather the presentation of that person, with the media employed lending the appearance of “reality” to whatever the teachings are. Because of the fact that without society there are a limited number of ways to deal with and therefore to perceive reality, the whole thing is pretty much a social phenomenon.



The means of acquisition of knowledge and its definition–and most definitely its communication–are absolutely social phenomena. From everything we’ve seen you’ve got to be alive to talk about it, first. That was my first real problem with Dooyeveert’s Modal Philosophy. I actually do intend to deal with the “truth” end of things later, because that’s actually an entirely different and somewhat interesting matter. For now, though, I can assure you that to the Moon your brand new car is worthless and you’re crazy. Of course, so am I and I don’t have a brand new car.



The biggest problem with a system of government surviving in a time of change (and probably more in a time of growing resources than in a time of dwindling ones) is that one function of government is maintaining stability and yet the entire reality in which it’s based in changing. One characteristic of humans is that there is a social–not a genetic–tendency to breed ourselves into extinction. It’s best characterized by the Catholic pronouncement that preventing inception, and especially abortion, is evil. We can and we will keep on breeding as long as we can. It is interwoven through every culture of which I know, even though it’s often (thinly) hidden.


One result of living in a time where population is increasing is that there will be contact with other cultures, and there will be a simultaneous need for the same resources. Thus far basically every mention of constructing an artificial language or of attempting to rationally examine human society has met with outrage. One assumption that has continually been made is that there aren’t any truly exceptional human beings and that if they exist of course they’re being well-treated and even if they aren’t they would be nice. Surely.


The society which is automatically aggressive does tend to “win”.


I do know of a few communes which supposedly are successful. I have made some attempt at contact. I think somewhere I finally gave up on something I find impossible to describe. One example was going to that Calvinist church and attending catechism for years. Other examples are explorations of various ways of representation and belief. (I’m not done.)


At the beginning of this all, I was 9 years old, a philosopher, a would-be zen Buddhist and a poet. I’m still a philosopher, would-be zen Buddhist and a poet at 54 (55 in about 3 months). At the beginning I doubted truth, and do yet. I have, though, learned that progress is probably an illusion.



A giant step backward. In the evolution model, awareness of the environment is progressive in terms of distance. First of all it’s going to be things like water modified by the presence of another cell. A giant step forward is the awareness of sound. The less awareness is localized the better the chances of reaction. Then comes sight.


And at each step there are intrinsically necessary changes with regard to protocols.



Bear in mind that at each step there is some sort of (potential) communication with others. Any time that a given action by one elicits a consistent reaction by another, there’s an established protocol (we’re not talking about results to a protocol, by the way; every time you hit me I run away doesn’t do it; something led up to this). When this occurs at a distance, something resembling language has been used. When you’re closer together, this isn’t necessarily true (remember the class bully who you’re sure could speak, although he never managed anything coherent while you were around?).


Put this together with a lot of others of the same general type, and you have a society. A lot of the time, I think that scholars have further defining criteria. I actually define it as a lot of animals in the same place (generally, in our experience, of the same type) who manage activities outside killing, eating and procreation. We’ve historically been very anxious to kill non-human societies or anything that might resemble them. I don’t recall having seen any explanation for this, it’s just something I’ve observed. Any causes cited noted the society involved only tangentially, and generally emphasized the “fact” that the society involved is only theoretical. Like the societies of greater apes. I’ve always been very skeptical about scholastic types being unable to imagine how and why Cro-Magnon man took over so rapidly from Neanderthal. One absolute characteristic of humans is that we can’t stand something that looks like us but turns out not to be us. I’d imagine most of our horror movies are based on something like that (I frankly have watched only a few), with the back-stabber in whatever variation being the most popular.


What this means in a time of expanding population is a government that’s brutal. Rather, a succession of governments which are. Better than that, the most popular theme for explaining the replacement is that God liked the new government more, and you’d better believe it because that’s what police are for. If you haven’t yet been replaced, of course, God loves you more and you’d better make sure of it because that’s what police are for. And armies and suchlike, come to think of it.



The most important thing to remember about reality is that there are two sorts. There’s the one with which one has to deal, and there’s the approved way of talking about it. There’s even apparently a school of thought which holds that if you talk about it correctly, then that’s the way it is. When I understand that one, I’ll let you know. And that’s probably it for the end of the “day.” I mean, for this odd quasi-philosophical note. As if I’d a clue about what I’m talking about. Heh. Follow the grammar on that one.


August 25, 2008 at 9:52 pm Leave a comment

Continuing Steps Toward Examination of Reality



12:35:29 AM

Interesting. Anyway. To continue on, all the formal human reasoning I’m familiar with is founded on the assumption of only yes/no. At best, an accurate representation would be yes/no/maybe, although “maybe” would actually be more definitive than desired. Again, we’re dealing with the matter of definition by either of two methods; inclusion or exclusion. Each has its dangers. If perceived relevance is to be governed by a limited timeframe (the common political timeframe—and like it or not, that’s not actually an insult, because in order to do good one must retain power) then the primary theme of definition will in fact tend to be exclusive. You “winnow out the chaff from the wheat”. However, the primary result in crucial situations often is the substitution of the actually petty for the real issues. Global warming is eventual in light of two things; the shortage of fuel and oil. I remember something about huge storms being likely as well; I dismissed them at the time as fantasy. I believe the source was RAND corp.


One result of the assumption of a series of yes/no decisions when some were more complex decisions made knowingly would be something like whosit’s “fan effect”. There are several obvious ongoing sources of inaccuracy, after all. The guard for the bottle’s cork decided on a protracted vacation some time ago, according to rumor.


Actually, no, I’m not drunk. It would be hard for me to be so. Fatal rather quickly, seizures and heart attacks and stuff like that.


What is happening is that I’m writing down in public the fruits of 40 years worth of thought, some of which could have been construed as sensitive and could in no wise now. By anyone sane. And if not, after having become criminal over being epileptic…whatever. Pity I can’t get drunk.


I do have more for tomorrow. Already written down. Might even manage to follow the whole thing or most of it through. Convoluted English or whatever there.


04:25:21 AM

I’ll end up updating the online copy, I guess.


04:36:10 AM

The biggest thing here is that it’s not necessarily fight/flight. It appears that with some creatures it is. An argument could be made that reptilian behavior is mostly instinctive. “Submission”–again a catch-all sort of phrase—is the third choice. One enters into a pattern of behavior which is ordered, and the order is lent by “society”, the existence of which is signified first of all by language. There is some evidence that language originated in the coordination of hunting. I don’t actually have an opinion on that. We do have strong evidence that the one instinctive behavior of humans and of most if not all mammals is modelling; copying the behavior of the nearest being perceived as similar and “identifying” with it—following it and trying to remain with it. There is a great deal of evidence that there is language—communication I should say—between animals which we don’t perceive; maybe we can’t. There’s also a great deal of evidence that there is communication between humans which isn’t “consciously” perceived. Part of the conscious/unconscious dichotomy is actually based on a necessary division in consciousness between lingual and personal. A “criminal” doesn’t share enough social consciousness, and this definition hasn’t changed for a very long time.


04:49:56 AM

Back to reality. It’s defined in terms of language not least because that allows the rules of transaction to be described. Language establishes proper protocols. It does this by allowing means of determination of value, by providing means of protecting social (organizational) stability, and so establishing the place of each within the given society. Note that this is an entirely finite procedure, and that it is not adapted to a changing environment or a changing population. It seems likely that the pyramidal model is adapted early-on simply to allow for quick decisions, especially militarily.


The kinds of tactics that are exhibited, especially those which are supposedly handed down, suggest that they were first developed during a time when resources were becoming steadily less plentiful, and when a great many people felt that something “humans” (or the ruling species; I would assume humanity for a number of reasons) had done had caused the situation. Essentially, they were fighting over dwindling resources but had reason to believe that whatever it was would stop short of total catastrophe.

05:11:31 AM

The reason I say this is because no doomsday tactics are used, although they seem to be a component of all the reasoning systems of which I’m aware. The prisoner and the guard have a sneaking admiration for each other, and the illiterate junkie watches cop shows. More than that, there are a thousand, a million little things that are actually commonly known (“common sense”) and discounted for just that reason. For some reason the scholastic discounts all he hasn’t learned with books and proper studies.

05:50:54 AM

I’m also doing maintenance on the computer: partially it’s merely glorying in the silence. Having turned off the air conditioner (it was doing its fanly duties, at 76 degrees F) all I can hear is the whir of a high speed fan. One one of the external hard drives, no less.


Anyway, there aren’t any tactics used or suggested for the present time that reflect complete despair. Even with the barbarian knocking at the door there’s time for a cup of tea and the reflection that time tends to level all. Meaning is far different to a mountain than to a man. Rather, there is a conservation of resources in that the outsider is progressively forced out. Changes in routines are feared. There’s a constant echo of “gods walked the earth” that yet makes me wonder. In humans there is an ongoing drive that I see to discriminate against the different. Partially this is survival both during the period of dwindling resources (which looks to have been a foreseen Ice Age) and when habits that were toward survival then (during the age of ice) aren’t so much now…unless the population spreads out. I see no evidence of instinct in humans other than that which is carried by language.


Differing languages are a quick way of distinguishing friend from foe, as are differing customs. There’s a lot of fear of change reflected in the religions we yet have, and a lot of concern about defining good and evil very carefully. It’s also pretty obvious that what power government has is granted (at least in the eyes of the religion) rather than inherent. Magic is present in every culture by various names (“miracle” is a much more accepted term in the Western pastiche of culture). Government begins in a pyramidal form; quicker decisions, winnowing of information, again. This actually leads to the separation—religion, government, and military.


To my eye there are a lot of signs that most current disciplines evolved under a regime of expansion. One absolute rule I derive from this is that the notion of this world—of any world—being in other than a state of flux is simply ridiculous. There is no stability. The ancient idea of Heaven sprang from a vision of a land of plenty which didn’t change.


Most of all and first of all, language is a set of protocols for defining and evaluating experience, and then reacting to it properly. That’s what it does. It does this by operating within a structure of similar beings who have learned it. Most of the people who use these protocols understand them poorly. Often, it is against their system of belief to examine such protocols and procedures for evaluating things. It may be a “sin”–against their system of [generally] non-judicial religious practices, or it may even be a crime (I can remember at least one where the penalty was death, although I can’t quite quote the where-and-when; middle East, seems like Afghanistan, scientist, genetics, mid-century and at the behest of the government no less). If the examination of the protocol should trespass upon the area also defined by nationalism, patriotism and all sorts of weird things could be dragged in.


06:22:07 AM

Ayn Rand and all sorts of weird things like Tom whosit could be dragged in at this point. There are protocols which are regarded as sacred, quite simply. To examine the sacrosanct is profanity.


It can be easily argued that religion just starts out right after language, or maybe at the same time. It reminds you of how to do things, and who you are in relation to the group. It gives you a reason to do things. With smaller groups, nothing like money would have to be involved, because for one thing survival would be chancy. The limits of such a group may well be defined by mobility, which in turn is defined by the size of the group and the relative “climate” of “their” area. There is also of course the relative density of population to be considered.


–The “Territorial Imperative”. This needs to be restated considerably. There are innumerable instances of cooperation between species and in fact between members of the same species if there is no shortage, and if of course the species type allows for anything other than intra-species aggression. To start with, we’re deaf, dumb, and blind. Most of the signals which pass between animals we can’t physically sense. The sorts of things that occur in consistent patterns at least suggest that such communication exists, from sounds to twitches and scents. That we’re centered so much on sight and that kind of ordering means all sorts of ancillary things that are quite problematic. One of the main sources of this guy’s hypothesis was in fact the Law of Identity, which in fact is the law that says something like any and all representations are true or something like that.


06:40:05 AM

And then methods of knowledge. I think it needs to be noted quite early here that the field of philosophy about the same time that the English language gets regularized into its very own Oxford legitimization…splits into various fields of knowledge. The love of knowledge, I suppose, acquires multiple personalities after becoming schizophrenic (due to peer pressure, no doubt). More seriously, this occurs at about the time the effect of the printing press begins to be generally felt, the pressure of the Black Death lessens extremely, overpopulation becomes a crisis in France and England, and all existent social structures seem rickety if not destined to fail momentarily.


06:49:30 AM

Universities and colleges are established once there is a means of producing manuscripts other than illumination. I’ve always wondered about the “little Renaissance” in Italy 800-900 A.D. Whence the books? But then there’s the question of time. Again. In any case it was shattered by the Black Plague. Figures alter; my guess is that two thirds of the population of Europe perished. At this point I can only find it interesting that it coincides with some major changes in weather.


The non-ecclesiastic ways of knowledge quickly establish their own tests of legitimacy. Bear in mind that the whole empirical model was established at first simply to get out of complications aroused by considerations of things at least unlikely to be physically existent, or to be sensed by humans. There are many matters which are only those of faith, and the tests would seem not to lie within the physical sphere. On the other hand, an arch which is constructed on the design of a prayerbook may well turn out to be structurally unsound. Mixtures can be tested, whereas the testing of prayers would seem chancy at best.


10:57:27 AM

One immediate problem here though is that of social structures, which by nature can’t be tested very well, first of all by the nature of language as we know it.

11:03:10 AM

Language incorporates the truth of perception, a theoretically shared perception. We do pretty well know there’s some variance from person to person. At one point what went on within a country’s borders was pretty much that country’s business, which definitely isn’t true any more. What seem to be the most deciding factors are the same ones that have governed the desirability of wars for years (maintenance of power, focusing discontent on those damned foreigners, that sort of thing) and the new kid on the block, media. Unfortunately that latter appears to be at the end of the whole thing a lot of noise. The driving factor is what will attract the passing attention of the average complete idiot. Unfortunately, they do pretty well, which means I guess that we’re all complete idiots.


If the Law of Identity isn’t true, then a unique representation is necessary for each and every object in any given set. The definition of a set is basically any possible perspective on perceived data. Falsity and truth are relative. A more accurate restatement is that language intrinsically isn’t true.


Language, at least as we’re using it here, is meant to convey information between “people”. This may include animals. It may include animals of different species communicating with each other variously. As humans use it, it intrinsically includes things like relative social stature. Some of these concepts don’t even enter the realm of truth outside society. Most human values are at least tertiary. That is, the values that we employ in day-to-day life only have to do with society. Things to do with survival, like providing heat or food directly, are impossible for most of the people in the U.S. (because of their location) and they don’t have the faintest idea of how to do them anyway.


Thus for most humans in a real way society is a shared delusion. One of the apparent meanings of catastrophic depressions is that that way of representing reality just doesn’t work terribly well. It’s also pretty obvious that humans are having a hard time learning that lesson. It does look like this kind of representation—money, economic representation—is necessary when your population reaches a certain level, and that at some point fairly soon after a lot of people either go crazy, or realize they’re crazy. Or possibly just admit they’re crazy I suppose.


Glenn/latest edition/addition and still not drunk (it still would be fatal), still not sleeping…sleeping…

August 24, 2008 at 3:11 am Leave a comment

I Hear Reality Is Just a Step Away



This is the first entry on the “new” computer. That is, with the fan cannibalized off Rose’s old computer, and with the brand new 320-gig interior hard drive. I can’t hear the bloody computer any more. I hadn’t actually realized I could, I guess. So a lot of the over-heating was most likely simply due to a hard drive that shouldn’t have been working at all. Diablo II operated smoothly. I think both hard drives were used, although the larger one was narrowly. Whatever. I’ll be setting up some drive syncs. The oddest thing is being able to do something on the system now even while the CPU is using most or all of its capacity. I’m planning on saving all writing to a central “My Documents” folder and then mirroring it. I also will be cleaning off an exterior hard drive from the looks of things since I couldn’t get Norton Save & Restore to initiate. I really don’t think it’s a virus, either. I hope not. I’m getting tired of this crap. I keep running checks and I keep protection up. I still haven’t quite recovered from Rose telling me she doesn’t trust me because I’m too much of a good trip. I guess I’ll get over it or I won’t, as I told her.

21:29 More appropriate I suppose. Hadn’t thought about the fact that a program has the capability now to insert times. So I may as well do it on the diary-like entries I make. AbiWord because Open Office seems to be much like Microsoft Office in that it’s untrainable in some respects; an opening letter of a “sentence” must be capitalized. That meaning might lie in other directions is simply unsupportable, sort of like some New Age girdle I suppose: can’t be leather because it would be victimizing the beasts but can’t be plastic because it would be victimizing the beasts. …Maybe it should be human skin. But then of course there would be animal-rights activists wondering why we’re having all the fun.

21:37 I think that the first point of focus is going to have to be the representative system. After all, I have finally logically proven that no representative system can actually be true. It has to be infinity plus one, so to speak: so it’s not only the problem of the inter-relationships of the components of the representative system (and the establishment of sets within the system, which is actually what the modal system and Dooyeveert are on about), the problem of modeling permutations within the represented system–because you cannot be assured that each and every instance is identical, each must be represented, unless aspects of relevancy are identified and then defined. Definition essentially means assigning social identity stability. Relevancy is task-oriented, case-oriented, whatever. Either that or you’re daring to assume that your representative system, which was thrown together in a limited amount of time and for timely reasons…is absolutely true, for all time and under all situations. This is where Dooyeveert fell.


21:51 One thing you do know is that any judgement, and particularly any valuation or valorization, is relative and the product of a work of artifice. Language is by nature artificial. Our only hope toward a first step of reasoning clearly would be the production of an artificial language. One of the problems confronting even the mention thereof is quite similar to the realization in the late 1970’s that indeed one soldier could be given the power to wipe out an entire city. Trust is perhaps even more a product of artifice than is any monetary value. The real problem is going to come when need intersects with its description. Need alone has little power. Description, even masterful description, when it is not driven and kept if not secret then certainly not advertised–that has no power at all. Every time, though, that the two have met, whole worlds of perceived structure have fallen.


22:10 At about 14 I actually did become convinced that there was a sort of loop involved in the information available to me. truth/reality/perception/description and pick any part of it, proceed in any direction on it, and you came back to where you started. Eventually. No matter the grand words of it. I did try to have faith, which I perhaps foolishly defined as a belief in some sort of God directing things. I mean presumably in real time. Like, that would be what the deacon’s meetings were about. To this day, I haven’t the faintest idea. The ministers or for the Catholics the priests, the holy men, all interpreted reality so that… Easiest answer was, maintain the power structure. There would be a few exceptions.


If you have someone who is exceptionally intelligent, you have to hope she or he is also exceptionally moral. At this point, I would be interested in using this. As in, I did my part.

22:23 Yeah. Besides, it would be fun. And it would be the part indicated if the character survived this long, for that matter. Loki. Good at that.


Anyway, that reality/truth thing is tricky. That intent should be indicative of veracity is asinine. If that were true every man would be a (successful) politician. Reality is the presumptive, that is, in the justinian model, while truth is a matter of intent. That nearly got us into nuclear war, by the way.


The first step in approaching reality is the realization that no system of representation we have is necessarily particularly close to what is occurring. One good example of this is the recurring question about why we’re not getting radio signals, and how much energy we’re throwing out. They’re using something that’s a lot more efficient, probably FTL, and we’re at best the guys with the big speakers on the corner of the block, nice guys, but too loud and keep the beer inside.



What I actually mean here is that our assumptions of linear causation aren’t possible. Few occurrences have one cause. Fewer occur by themselves. We assume time is one way because of our representative system. We state things are proven when by our own definitions a hypothesis has graduated to a theory, that is all, and all that can happen. There are innumerable assumptions within every statement we make, and few of us even guess at what they might be. Reality is something that we guess toward; that those oriented toward corners tell us the solution is math I find somehow ironic. And they are, note this, quite carefully telling the truth. Most of the time, anyway. Bear in mind that any given discipline does tend to define relevance pretty, well, sort of, well…automatically. Using the principle of exclusion, as anyone who’s dealt with a government agency can testify. Bear in mind that if language is what you use to define reality then what you can’t say isn’t real.


…Yet faith is a primary component in any society, and actually quite often cited in government appeals, presumably not to be overthrown (or they’ll sick the police, army, and navy on us). Might bomb us too. Oops. “Sic.” Sic. …Sick.


August 24, 2008 at 12:59 am Leave a comment

Ownership: Reality, Concept, and Law

In point of fact you legally own very little.  I haven’t seen many modern cases; I can’t recall offhand where it was that I saw them last.  It was common in the days of the railroad, when the railroad required access.  What it boiled down to was that you’d better take the price offered, or it would fall.  Ownership of land is actually only valid for a given period of time, that I believe now varies from state to state; right of way (for the government or its use) unquestionably supercedes any claim to ownership.  The Constitution, by the way, came very close to requiring that one have title to land in order to have citizenship, which makes all this even more complicated.  This does hale back to the British and property rights vis a vis wants and needs of the government.


Funds in a bank account are pretty available to outside, legal entities at this point.  If they can manage to associate a certain checking account number with a certain individual, collection agencies can in some cases simply proceed to obtain monies owed, although commercial entities cannot access bank accounts whose primary source of income is Social Security.


You’d better think about calling 911, too, incidentally.  I don’t actually belong to that class of individual any more (mainly because I have Social Security income; in the eyes of the law, because of income level and source of income–a primarily seasonal company–I was quite questionable, very clean record irregardless)–the ones, that is, who generally do have something illegal going on.  I gather that crystal meth is more popular today than I had guessed.  People who work for seasonal companies tend not to have drug tests (or so, at least, the police believe), q.e.d. although rather weak in my opinion.  Maybe I’m prejudiced.


Anyway; that was how I became a criminal over an epileptic seizure, understand? appearance.  I’ve known of people who called 911 who let the police into their house and ended up visiting prison.  By the way, just don’t let the police into your house without a warrant.  You can’t make a good impression on them, and odds are if they ask for entrance they’re looking for evidence of something.  Unfortunately, that’s what it’s come to.  It isn’t like it was in my youth, or even as I recall ten or twenty years ago, when you might actually be friends with the local police.  Everyone is breaking the law somehow.  And realize you look wrong to someone.


Nah.  I’m not paranoid.  Not at all.


July 3, 2008 at 1:18 am Leave a comment


As you can see, I am to the point I can make regular postings.  I still haven’t (for instance) installed Firefox; I’m absolutely sure I won’t install anything further today, which means nothing at all.  I’m working toward something vaguely resembling a rewrite of a book begun ten years ago or so.  Actually my perspective has changed considerably.  The attempt at definition of reality is meaningless unless it includes the realization that reality’s a changing thing–language is a changing thing–as are other media–so it’s getting it just right while the boat rolls; flash it right with quick enough shutter speed and you got it.


I plan nothing else today.  I’ve had Vicodin again for a while.  It certainly doesn’t kill the pain, but it does lessen it, enough that I have to lay back on the exercise bit.  Enough.  Pain’s worse now because of the back.


June 1, 2008 at 7:42 pm 2 comments

Older Posts