Posts tagged ‘reality’
I had to leave the misspelling. Sorry.
This is a true story. I was being admitted to the stand by way of oath, so that I could (basically) testify against myself. What the case was about is another and irrelevant story (I will say the neurological doctor I had was infuriated).
The officer of the court–whichever he was–asked “Do you solemnly swear to tell the Truth, the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth?” [*There was an earlier time where ‘before God’ was still part of the ritual.]
I lied and said “Yes”. I proceeded to answer each and every question as accurately as I could.
The problem is that words are about us and not about what we perceive–they’re not even about the perceptions. They’re about what we have in common, “what we can point to”. I know your sorrow through your tears and grimaces, I guess at your joy through your smiles–and if I understand that language incorrectly, generally I am either criminal or ‘mentally troubled’–“or” in common usage includes “and”.
As I answered the questions I still deliberated on this. Had I told the truth I would have at least been held in contempt of court, although my other answers wouldn’t have varied.
All we know is form; all we can do is guess at content. That woman’s loveliness (to me) may be a source of fright to her–because she fancies I am staring at her. [That’s merely a fictional instance, by the bye.] Then again I found in the rather distant past that ‘her’ nervousness–since there was more than one and there was a span of years–that the nervousness on the part of women actually had signaled attraction.
I’ll admit I’m rather socially inept. Thus I don’t look, but look away. I’m also rather deaf, but then on the whole I’m grateful for that from what I remember, and I don’t turn my hearing aids up much at all except when listening to movies. In respects the internet has been a blessing to me because I can actually carry on meaningful relationships.
If you have an eidetic memory and you are in the state that follows, how do you manage to temporarily damage that memory–more accurately, the way it indexes things–to allow for what amounts to a reboot to a backup? 1. The plan was made before computers were widely known, and the first method of indexing wasn’t available as an example per se to me. 2. That state was that I was living in what amounted to a prison camp. I mean this quite literally. I was very well treated, mind; it would have been a gentlemen’s prison. However, I remember the day after I was adopted my aunt pardon me my (new) mother saw me smiling and screamed at me “What are you smiling about?” I stuttered a bit and said I didn’t know how to say. “What do you mean?” “I don’t know the words.” “Then you’d better learn them, young man. I’m going to know every thought you have, just like with Stan and Susan”, who were her other two admitted children; she had 4 in all, but 2 she abandoned to an orphanage*. Very soon what I read was monitored and she openly read everything she could find that I wrote. 3. It might not have been a prison camp except for one minor thing. She kept me wanting me to act normal, the one thing I could never, ever do. I am a genius. She wanted to keep me there and…make me normal. Rather, she wanted me to make myself normal. That I couldn’t do so meant that I didn’t believe in God and therefore wasn’t saved–which was pretty well guaranteed anyway, since I was illegitimate. 4. [Understand that I am merely further explaining that prison camp, privileged though it may have been; I basically didn’t lack for food, for instance. She did withhold it from me when I was hungry because I ate too much, however. I buried that memory because I was afraid of what I might do.] I quickly found out that I had to bury a large part of my mind as much as I could. In her mind it would have been totally justifiable to kill me if I had resisted her in certain ways; she might well have tried to have me exorcised. My natural mother when I was nearly dying prayed for me not to die unsaved, not for me to live. My wife and the landowner we rented from both told me. 5. How can you be sure that you can divide and have it be adequate forever? you can’t. 6. How do you trigger that reboot I mentioned? you choose two 4 digit numbers. Yes, a PIN. Well, I mean, you look ahead a bit more than 50 years and see a number. You make another version of that number available as a lock; the other is a key, or unlock.
The lock was 7652 and used in 1963. The unlock was 7625 and encountered January 3, 2015. I obtained the number because I finally used a part of my skill in writing to produce something so savagely true that it produced immediate action, coupled with a plea to the president. There was the prior request to McClain, mind you that had gotten me Social Security.
How does it crumble? slowly but quite surely and irresistibly. I’ve even tried again and again to pretend it’s imaginary, and it’s not working. I even thought I’d killed the eidetic memory quite thoroughly and only left the permanent memory of patterns.
*The lock and unlock cannot be re-used. They hit the actual cerebral cortex join and there’s no way to go back. Yes, I’m actually ambidextrous. It is somewhat confusing at times.
The definition of reality was once that of religion which was government. Then supposedly government and religion split. Somewhere around there government and the military did discover they were two distinct entities, just as with the advent of ‘democracy’ (which means non-inherited power) naked politics arose [the emperor no longer had to pretend, you see]; and with banks, retention of wealth without [pretension of] manners became justified. Remember that the French nobility had to suddenly begin marrying commoners because they had become monsters.